


Black Plasma

by Snowblind (The_SICU)



Category: Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy - Douglas Adams, Homestuck, LittleBigPlanet, Magic: The Gathering (Card Game), NiGHTS into Dreams, Plants vs Zombies, Space Channel 5, Splatoon, Starbound (Video Game)
Genre: Crossover, Gen, Major Character Injury, Multiple Crossovers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-01
Updated: 2021-01-23
Packaged: 2021-03-08 00:09:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 21,138
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26586403
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_SICU/pseuds/Snowblind
Summary: As one of the few remaining members of the one fearsome Black Plasma space pirates, "Piper" now struggles to keep her head above water. After being captured, and suffering a life-changing injury, she and her small crew are given one last chance at freedom by the very people she hates most.
Kudos: 2





	1. Mirrodin

**♬Actual Human Intro♬**   


~~~

_-The ambient sounds of seagulls, creaking wood, and gently crashing waves slowly fade in over a black screen.-_

_-After a moment, we are in a dimly lit room. The walls are made of wood, lanterns strung from the move gently sway back and forth, and everywhere you look just screams "pirate".-_

In orbit of Planet Mirrodin, Galaxy of Dominia   
March 6th, 2019 (Earth time)

_-Someone asleep in the bed rolls over, and an instant later a loud knock is heard at the room’s wooden door.-_

**????:** “Get up! Joy needs you on the bridge, she’s got something.”

_-Silence.-_

**????:** “I know you’re not dead, I still get answers out of the dead!”

 **?????:** “Bite me ya necrophilic hag. I’ll be out on the hour.”

 **????:** “That’s more like it.”

_-The woman at the door is heard walking away.-_

**?????:** _-groan-_

_-A pair of feet hit the floor next to the extravagant bed, as the person makes their way over to a large wooden wardrobe.-_

_-In a quick series of shots, all without revealing the muscular woman’s face, she pulls out a set of light armor padding, ties a belt around her waist, tightens the straps on a pair of heavy, robotic-looking boots, pulls a leather glove over each hand, and lastly drapes a huge black leather coat with ornate blue trim over herself, before stepping out of the room and into the cold metal interior of a spaceship.-_

_-As she does, someone short and red, with four arms and bug-like antenna poking from a head of short, wiry black hair, comes running up to her, presenting her with a plate of beautifully prepared eggs benedict.-_

**?????:** “Thanks, Izzy. We’re all eating on the go this morning huh?”

_-The short red girl nods, makes a quick series of excited buzzing sounds, and runs off down the hall. The woman begins eating as she slowly follows.-_

_-Cut to the ship’s bridge.-_

**????:** “I swear she’s losing her enthusiasm.”

_-A young, pale woman with short, black hair leans against the far wall of the room, doing her usual bit of avoiding eye contact with anything.-_

**???:** “Like you don’t spend just as much time lounging around in your own quarters Anna.”

 _-In the pilot's seat is another woman, with half her body replaced with sleek, porcelain-white cybernetics. She’s directly wired into her chair.-_

**Anna:** “Like she needs any more beauty sleep than she already gets.”

 **Anna:** “I wouldn’t be surprised if she hasn’t even made it out of her room yet.”

_-The cyborg's left eye blinks red for a split second.-_

**???:** “Isabella delivered her breakfast, and she’s moving through the ship towards us right now.”

_-Isabella gives an affirmative buzz.-_

**Anna:** “Slowly, I presume, Joy.”

 **Joy:** “I do not need to confirm that.”

 **Anna:** “Funny how we let you spy on us like this. I hope you don't abuse that power too much.”

 **Joy:** “I abuse it as much as you abuse me letting you on my ship. Two problems with the same solution, even.”

_-Before the two of them can continue, they all hear the sound of the metal doors at the back of the bridge slides open, and turn to face them as a woman walks in, still eating from the plate she’s holding.-_

**Piper:** “Well? Don’t keep your captain waiting.”

_A SICU-studios Production_

_A Snowblind Film_

**Joy:** “Approaching the target now, everyone in your position.”

_-Far below is a colorful planet covered completely in metal. Here above it, a large, blocky cargoship orbits it slowly, as the smaller pirate ship approaches.-_

**Piper:** “Loud and clear Joy!”

 **Piper:** “Anna, Isabella, all set?”

_-Anna scoffs, now clutching an intimidatingly large book under one arm. Isabella buzzes excitedly.-_

**Piper:** “Open the airlock!”

_-Piper, now wearing a helmet that has been attached to armor under her coat to form a full spacesuit, stands before a large airlock door as it opens to the blackness of space. She brandishes two weapons with red-hot glowing parts in either hand.-_

**Piper:** “Three, Two...”

 **♬No Grave But the Sea** **♬**  


_-There is a huge explosion in the side of the huge cargo ship, as three figures leaf through the vacuum of space into the hole it makes.-_

**♪ Quest! ♪  
♪ Set a course to the battle ♪  
♪ Speed is our weapon of war ♪**

_-Isabella is seen dashing through spaceship corridors at superhuman speeds, trailing arcs of electricity like The Flash.-_

**♪ De Grasse will pay with his ichor ♪  
♪ Blood, mutilation, and gore ♪**

_-She rounds a corner into a pair of guards and electrocutes them both without stopping.-_

**♪ This is a mission of murder ♪  
** **♪ Death is the freedom you crave ♪**

_-She arrives at what looks like the ship’s engine room, unleashes several more arks of electricity to subdue all the crew present, and starts frying all the electrical equipment she can find.-_

**♪ We are the agents of slaughter ♪  
** **♪ Swift is the path to the grave ♪**

_-The engine goes up in smoke as Isabella speeds out of the room as quickly as she arrived. The scene transitions through the smoke into clouds of darkness surrounding Anna elsewhere on the ship. She cracks open her book and studies from it as if disconnected from events around her-_

**♪ Breaking the line ♪  
** **♪ Formidable rage ♪  
** **♪ Raking their broadside with fire ♪**

 _-From behind her, a horde of undead rust forward past her to meet a squadron of ship guards blocking her path, each one they kill adding to their numbers.-_ ****

**♪ Sail away, set sail into the blue horizon ♪  
** **♪ Ride the waves, that guide our destiny ♪  
** **♪ Sail away, today we fight and there will be ♪  
** **♪ No mercy for those with no grave; ♪  
** **♪ No grave but the sea! ♪** ****

_-Cut to outside the cargo ship, where a smaller, rougher-looking ship is rocketing around it, dodging and destroying its weapons with one pass after another.-_ ****

**♪ Ride! ♪  
** **♪ Now the winds are a-changing ♪  
** **♪ Into the breach we will sail ♪  
** **♪ Flanked by the Duke and Bedford ♪  
** **♪ Formidable charge cannot fail ♪** ****

**Joy:** “Almost done out here girls, be ready for gravity to shut off any moment now!” ****

**♪ Fire! ♪  
** **♪ With a volley of grapeshot ♪  
** **♪ Blood stains the ocean this day ♪** ****

_-Narrowly weaving the ship between lasers and explosions, she fires into the cargo ship’s rear thrusters, disabling them cleanly.-_ ****

**♪ We are the agents of slaughter ♪  
** **♪ Swift is the path to the grave ♪** ****

_-Back inside, the shockwaves are felt throughout the ship as Piper and Anna run through the ship, picking off lone guards at every turn before coming to the closed door to the bridge..-_ ****

**♪ Sail away, set sail into the blue horizon ♪  
** **♪ Ride the waves, that guide our destiny ♪  
** **♪ Sail away, today we fight and there will be ♪  
** **♪ No mercy for those with no grave; ♪  
** **♪ No grave but the sea! ♪**

_-The ship’s guards gather at a door, ready for the intruders to burst through.-_

**Anna: “Hey captain.”**

_-The swarm of guards all start looking un easy as they keep their weapons trained on the door.-_

_-The door is blasted open, with total darkness behind it. Black smoke and mist pours out, and as it clears, an orange light flickers on.-_

(Art by [@VikingSkirts](https://twitter.com/VikingSkirts))

-The soldiers open fire. A powerful blast from somewhere behind Piper launches her forward into the crowd, as she starts relentlessly slashing and shooting with reckless abandon.-

-It's not long before the entire squadron of guards, panicked and unable to keep up with the one pirate, are all either unconscious or dead. Anna and Isabella join her in the hall as the smoke finally starts to dissipate.-

-The trio runs off, with Piper laughing maniacally.-

 **♪ Sail away, set sail into the blue horizon ♪  
** **♪ Ride the waves, that guide our destiny ♪**

****

**♪ Sail away, today we fight and there will be ♪  
** **♪ No mercy for those with no grave; ♪**

****

**♪ Sail away, set sail into the blue horizon ♪  
** **♪ Ride the waves, that guide our destiny ♪  
** **♪ Sail away, today we fight and there will be ♪  
** **♪ No mercy for those with no grave; ♪**

****

**_♪ NO GRAVE BUT THE SEA! ♪_ ** ****

~~~

**Piper: “That sight never gets old.”**

_-With the Starship Black Plasma landed behind her, in another ship’s massive hangar, Piper looks out into space. She watches the cargo ship they just raided go down in flames on a crash course to the metallic planet bellow.-_ ****

**Joy:** “No more life signs detected.”

 **Anna:** “Wasteful to burn them up and leave them out there though.” ****

_-The other three of them are unloading cargo stolen from the ship.-_

_-Joy and Anna are combing through boxes of medical supplies while Isabella excitedly dives into a huge crate of fresh produce in the back.-_ ****

**Joy:** “Mary O’Kill was very clear it was best to take any chances leaving no witnesses to our presence here.”

 **Piper:** _-GROOOOANNNN-_

 **Piper:** “Don’t fucking remind me we’re ‘ere on her terms.”

 **Anna:** “Oh but you were having so much fun on this job for her.”

 **Piper:** “Don’t give me that Anna.”

 **Piper:** “I enjoy what I do, I fucking despise who I ‘ave ta do it for these days.”

 **Piper:** “The less I gotta think about the league of dastards the better.” ****

_-As if on cue, the PA system on the hangar rings to life.-_

****?????:**** “Plasma darlings, you did a wonderful job. Please come see me on the bridge as soon as possible!”

****

**Piper:** “Oh look, we summoned her!”

 **Piper:** “I should just jump ship now, save ‘er the trouble!” ****

~~~

 ** **?????:**** “Now let me be clear, darlings.”

**?????:** “I understand that I gave you dears quite the wakeup call this morning to take out that stray ship, but I believe you can find the strength to keep behaving yourselves a little while longer while we wrap up our little mission to Mirrodin here.”

 **?????:** “I just know you will, with how much our cause means to you.”

_-The woman reaches down and mimics messing up Piper’s hair, despite her having a helmet made to fit around her mask. She swats her hand away.-_

__

**Piper:** “Spare me the saccharine Mary, ya haughty broad. You and I both know we wouldn’t be here if we had any say in the matter.”

 **Mary:** “That’s quite right, you don’t have a say in the matter!”

 **Mary:** “Baron Von Count made it very clear to me just how much of a debt to him the four of you are in, so much that you are ever so close to never being able to work through it all in your lifetimes!”

 **Mary:** “So as I was saying, I understand how much this means to you all.”

_-Across the room, Anna groans in mocking protest, and Isabella is fast asleep, blending into a background of fine sheets and dolls.-_

**Mary:** “I can’t see how you all could possibly mess things up anyhow. All you really have to do now is keep me from getting hurt should anything bad happen.”

 **Mary:** “If you ask me, that old Baron’s gone easy on you all.”

 **Piper:** “You? What about the ‘precious cargo’ the wrinkly bastard was going on about?”

 **Mary:** “Oh nevermind what he thinks is so important.”

 **Mary:** “All this just for some more of this weird oil. He’s sitting on mountains of the stuff already, how much could he need?”

 **Joy:** “If you don’t mind me interrupting, we’ve cleared Mirrodin's orbit and are en route to Bablovia.”

 **Mary:** “Wonderful! I told you all there would be hardly a chance to slip up in your usual fashion.”

 **Mary:** “Now if you’d be so kind as to excuse me, I have matters to attend to elsewhere.”

_-Mary folds down into the metal shell of her dress, becoming indistinguishable from the handful of spherical metal drones surrounding her.-_

__

_-After a moment, Piper becomes visibly enraged. She tears her mask out of her helmet before lashing out at the drone that used to be Mary, blasting several holes in it with her shotgun and leaving it a broken hunk of scrap metal with no one inside.-_

**Piper:** “GAAAAAAAAHHH!”

 **Anna:** “Losing your temper again captain?”

 **Piper** **:** “The nerve of her!”

 **Piper** **:** “There ain’t a chance in hell I’m gonna be able to put up with being talked down to like this for long!”

 **Piper** **:** “We’re been out here for days and fuck-all has happened! She doesn't fucking need us to protect her or these shitty killbots, she’s probably already back on Bablovia for tea time!”

_-One of Mary’s dolls pelts Piper in the side of the head. Isabella had been woken up by the outburst.-_

**Piper** **:** “...Sorry Izzy.”

_-Isabella nods.-_

**Anna:** “The Baron wouldn't be so quick to push us around if he knew what we'd do to him given the opportunity.”

 **Piper** **:** “Oh, an' I suppose you have an actual plan to kill him?”

 **Anna:** “I don’t need a plan, only the intent to and the patience to wait for my chance.”

 **Joy:** “I admire your ability to have such blind self-confidence.”

 **Anna:** “Don’t forget there’s enough dead flesh hanging off that metal shell of yours for me to make you my new lap dog.”

 **Piper** **:** “Girls, quit it.”

 **Piper** **:** “Aint no good to come from infighting now. Save it for what matters.”

_-Anna scoffs, and Joy returns her full attention to piloting the ship.-_

**Joy:** “Preparing to enter hyperlane to Kamigawa now.”

_-Without warning, the ship rumbles.-_

**♬If I Survive♬**   


**Piper** **:** “Joy?”

 **Joy** **:** “I don’t know.”

_-Joy pours over the ship’s controls, clearly inexperienced with their specific layout.-_

**Joy** **:** “That was probably nothing more than clumsily banging into a small asteroid at the edge of the system here-”

_-Joy finally pulls up a holographic display, and her one real eye nearly bulges out of her head.-_

[0:56]

 **Joy** **:** “Protectorate.”

 **Piper** **:** “What!?”

 **Joy** **:** _-Franticly inputting controls.-_ “Multiple fighters, and it looks like a whole cruiser behind them!”

 **Piper** **:** “Turn the fuck around then! Go back to Mirrodin!”

 **Joy** **:** “They’re coming from Mirrodin!”

 **Piper** **:** “What are that many protectorate ships doing on Mirrodin? The planet’s condemned!”

 **Joy** **:** “I don’t know, they weren’t there a moment-”

_-Joy freezes, going completely silent.-_

**Piper** **:** “Would you stop cutting yourself off mid-sentence and get us the fuck out of here!?”

 **Joy** **:** “Mirrodin’s gone.”

 **Anna** **:** “We were just there Joy.”

 **Joy** **:** “Vogon constructor fleet, and tons of Protectorate with them.”

 **Joy** **:** “Mirrodin just got demolished.”

[1:23]

_-There's a moment of stunned silence between the four of them, broken by their cargo ship rumbling again.-_

**Piper** **:** “Worry about the metal wasteland later, get us out of here Joy!”

 **Joy** **:** “I’m not used to a ship this big, my options are limited!”

 **Piper** **:** “Then fuck Mary O’Kill’s ship, let’s get back to Black Plasma down in the hanger and bail!”

_-Without waiting for the three of them to respond, Piper makes for the exit.-_

_-Before Piper can get there, several of Mary’s killbots form an impenetrable defense around the exit, and she slams face-first into them.-_

**Piper** **:** _“Mary you WHORE!”_

[1:51]

_-The ship rumbles again as we cut to elsewhere in the ship where a Protectorate boarding party, lead by a familiar face, is making their way through the ship, fighting more of Mary’s ‘killbots’.-_

**Janette** **:** “Check every centimeter of the ship for contamination, I don’t want even a single drop of the oil breaking quarantine!”

Boarding Party 1: “Yesss Captain Janette!”

_-Two members of the boarding party, both wielding high-tech axes, double team one of the killbots and cleave it in two. It seems to chuckle in a woman’s voice for a brief moment before it goes limp.-_

Boarding Party 2: “ArE TheY SupposeD TO DO ThaT?”

Boarding Party 3: “An attempt to manipulate empathy, I’d assume.”

 **Janette** **:** “I wouldn’t be surprised.”

_-Suddenly Janette’s visor goes off, directing her attention to a door further back down the corridor the fight was taking place in.-_

**Janette** **:** “Everyone keep moving towards the bridge. Adzeca, follow me.”

Boarding Party 2: “ComminG!~”

[2:18]

_-Cut back to the bridge, where all four girls are being surrounded by robots in the center of the room.-_

**Piper** **:** “It’s like these things were made for us, I can’t get past them!”

 **Joy** **:** “They were ready for this.”

 **Anna** **:** “Looks like we've served our usefulness girls.”

 **Piper** **:** “Damn, an' I was so looking forward to the Baron's ball next month.”

_-The three boarding party aliens reach a large, important looking metal door.-_

Boarding Party 4: “This should be the bridge.”

Boarding Party 1: “How did the captain mean for uss to get in again?”

Boarding Party 3: “I believe she meant for us to secure the point and then wait for her.”

Boarding Party 1: “Floran doess not plan to wait for whatever dumb thing sshe went off to look at.”

Boarding Party 4: “Agreed. Whoever’s in there can’t be too dangerous can they?”

Boarding Party 3: “I’d rather not risk-”

Boarding Party 1: “Floran is preparing explossives.”

Boarding Party 4: “Hell yes.”

Boarding Party 3: “Oh no…”

 **Piper** **:** “Any day now girls!”

[2:47]

_-A sound at the door momentarily distracts the robots. Isabella takes the chance to jump and cling onto one of them, frying it with a massive outburst of electricity.-_

_-With an opening made, Joy moves next, grabbing another robot by the leg and flinging it against the wall with one arm.-_

**Piper** **:** “Good enough. Everyone move!”

 **Joy** **:** “Wait!”

Boarding Party 3: “It sounds like there’s something serious in there. Again, I think we should wait for Jan-”

Boarding Party 1: “Everybody take cover!”

Boarding Party 3: “Oh boy.”

Boarding Party 1: “Three!”

Boarding Party 1: “Two!”

_-Piper leaps over one robot and slides under another to reach the door.-_

**Anna** **:** _“Piper, don't-"_

[Music ends at 3:30]

~~~

_“Ulala’s Swingin’ Report Show!”_

__

_-This woman stands in front of a large window looking out into space, on a very industrial-styled ship.-_

**Ulala:** “Hey there spacecats, Ulala here coming at you live from the former location of the artificial planetoid Mirrodin here in the Dominia Galaxy.”

 **Ulala:** “Sadly this won’t be as exciting as my usual reports, as the demolition was just finished moments ago by Vogon Constructor Fleet One, directed by Prostetnic Vogon Jeltz by order of the Terrene Protectorate Intergalactic Threats Administration.”

_-Ulala steps away from the window, and the camera follows her over to a rather large and ugly alien seated in the middle of a room.-_

**  
**

**Ulala:** “Here to tell us more is Prostetnic Vogon Jeltz himself. Jeltz?”

 **Jeltz:** “Hmm? Oh right.”

 **Jeltz:** “Well, yes, demolition of this planetoid was ordered exactly two weeks, five days, 13 hours, and fifteen minutes ago by human timekeeping standards.”

 **Jeltz:** “Demolition began eight minutes ago and concluded six minutes ago.”

 **Jeltz:** “We are now in the process of dispatching drones to scan for any residual magic energy that will need to be dispelled before it becomes a safety hazard.”

 **Ulala:** “And what about the planetoid itself? Can you tell us more about what it was and the reason behind this demolition.”

 **Jeltz:** “If you insist. I believe I have the report here somewhere.”

-Jeltz picks up a large stack of papers and flicks through them unnaturally fast, before picking out a specific page and squints to read from it.-

**Jeltz:** “It says here that demolition of Mirrodin was ordered due to the rapidly expanding presence of a ‘magical bioweapon’ known as ‘Glistening Oil’, Phyrexian Oil’, or simply ‘Ichor’.”

**Jeltz:** “The substance is known to take root in both biological and metallic materials, with living creatures that become infected with it driven to madness and the continued spread of the substance.”

**Jeltz:** “Mirrodin was deemed impossible to save from the rapidly expanding infection, and thus after a full evacuation of the planetoids inhabitants, it was demolished.”

 **Jeltz:** “Reportedly this marks the destruction of the last known Glistening Oil in all of the Galaxy of Dominia and thus the known universe.”

 **Ulala:** “And lastly, do you have any comment on the public backlash of this demolition. Do you feel people are justified in comparing this to the events of Amonkhet?”

 **Jeltz:** “What do I care what people think, I’m just doing my job here.”

 **Jeltz:** “As for Amonkhet, I had nothing to do with those events.”

 **Jeltz:** “It was an unlicensed demolition from what I know, but I’m sure whoever was responsible for that blatant disregard for systematic proceedings was dealt with.”

 **Jeltz:** “I’ve no sympathy at all.”

_-Suddenly, the broadcast is shut off, as our view pulls back from the large screen it was being shown on. We are in a brightly lit penthouse office, almost certainly belonging to some sort of CEO or high ranking elected official.-_

_-Much of the walls are massive windows, decorated with a single orange, horizontal stripe running their entire length, overlooking a vast utopian cityscape from atop a very tall skyscraper.-_

_-At the center of the room, two people are opposite each other over a wooden desk. One, standing up, is a muscular, slightly short human woman with long blond hair. The other, seated at the desk indicating its likely hers, is a tall and lean monkey-like individual with a very noticeable eye scar.-_

Terrene Protectorate Headquarters, Planet Letheia, Milky Way Galaxy  
March 7th, 2019 (Earth time)

**????:** “Janette, can you see the problem that’s beginning to arise for us?”

 **Janette:** “I-”

 **????:** “Don’t answer that.”

 **????:** “The problem is that reports like this one on the Protectorate’s large scale actions are becoming more and more common.”

 **????:** “It reflects very poorly on the Protectorate’s public image.”

 **Janette:** “Well she should have known better than to expect a Vogon to be pleasant.”

 **????:** “It’s not-” -Sigh- “It’s not about the Vogon, he knew what he was doing and was only reading from an official press report.”

 **????:** “It’s that reporter’s mention of Amonkhet. Direct comparisons are being drawn between Amonkhet and Mirrodin, the public is starting to get the impression that the Terrene Protectorate is becoming trigger happy with demolitions of celestial bodies, in Dominia especially.”

 **????:** “I’m told it’s even started to paint the unfortunate and untimely destruction of Earth in a bad light, despite that being a major source of the sympathy and goodwill that the Terrene Protectorate was able to be rebuilt on in the first place.”

 **Janette:** “Grand Protector Lana Blake, with all due respect, Amonkhet is known to have been outside of our control, and demolition of Mirrodin was a last resort to stop the infection of the oil.”

 **Lana:** “Yes, the Oil..."

 **Lana:** “Walk with me, Janette."

_-Lana leads Janette out of her office, and through the sleek building to a glass walkway overlooking the city.-_

__

**Lana:** “Before I took over as Grand Protector for Esther, she talked a lot about you."

 **Janette:** “Yes, you've told me, how I reminded her of-"

 **Lana:** “Then you know not to take that as necessarily a good thing."

 **Lana:** “You've spent a great deal of the Protectorate's resources trying to stop this oil problem. I understand your passion for your job, Janette, and I do realize the potential threat this contamination posed..."

 **Lana:** “But you methods, they are costing the Terrene Protectorate greatly; risks and resources your department can barely afford much longer."

 **Lana:** “You're on thin ice."

 **Janette:** “I understand, Grand Protector."

_-Lana lets herself relax with a sigh.-_

**Lana:** “At the very least your order of the demolition of Mirrodin should finally mean you can put your obsession with the oil behind you, and the number of planets demolished under your command stops at two.”

 **Janette:** “Uh, about that..."

_-Lana gronas.-_

**Janette:** “Unfortunately, I can’t.”

 **Lana:** “And why is that?”

_-Janette produces from her bag a glass cylinder with complex looking, hard plastic caps on either end. Inside is a thick black sludge which seems to endlessly churn on its own and occasionally defy gravity to reach up into the air above it for a moment, as if it’s alive.-_

_-Lana jumps back and only barley prevents herself from screaming like an injured orangutan.-_

**Lana:** “Janette what the hell?”

 **Janette:** “There’s still oil.”

 **Lana:** “Yes, and you brought it to Letheia, into Protectorate HQ, and right into my office!”

 **Lana:** “I could have you sent to San Crispin for life on this alone Callahan!”

 **Janette:** “And then you’ll have fired the best person you have to take care of it.”

_-Lana frantically glances back and forth between Janette and the glass canister in her hand. After a moment, she tries to regain her composure.-_

**Lana:** “You are on your final warning, Callahan. I can’t deny you that the existence of this oil is a threat to the universe as a whole unlike any other, but you’ve been allowed to use that fact as an excuse for your own dangerous stunts for far to long.”

 **Lana:** “It ends here. No more wasting protectorate resources, no more demolishing major inhabited celestial bodies and leaving the millions of natives as refugees, and no more…”

_-She gestures at the canister.-_

**Lana:** “...this.”

 **Lana:** “If you can’t put an end to this oil thing once and for all with whatever it is you’re planning right now, you will face discharge from the Protectorate.”

 **Janette:** “Grand Protector Lana, please, it should take no more than a small sting operation and subsequent bust to put this behind us for good.”

 **Lana:** “I would hope so.”

 **Lana:** “Who is the target?”

_-Janette spins the canister around to show a small insignia engraved into the other side of the lid.-_

__

_-Lana sighs.-_

**Lana:** “And I suppose you expect-”

 **Janette:** “There’s no telling how much they got their hands on or what they plan to do with it. The sooner we act the better.”

 **Lana:** “But even something small would require that we’ve had an inside agent within the League for at most a year, which we do not.”

 **Janette:** “No, but...”

 **Janette:** “I think I may have an alternative.”


	2. San Crispin

_-At first, it's pitch black again-_

_-For a few seconds, distant, echoed, indiscernible sounds play. Some almost seem like talking, others mechanical or metallic.-_

_-Until finally, they start coming back into focus; the buzzing of fluorescent lights, the dull whirl and beeping of medical equipment, and two women talking…-  
_

**Janette:** “...told me she ... ke by n..."

**?????:** "I.....old yo....tose is....we...atient..."

_-Our vision starts to return until we can make out the roof above us. The two women are too engrossed in their debate to notice.-_

**Janette:** “I know, I know, its jus ... be underway by now, assuming she cope ..."

**?????:** "You can't rush thi....we did what we co...."

_-Digital readouts start punctuating the corners of our vision.-_

_-We sit up and look around, finding ourselves in bed at a hospital. Rather quickly our gaze lands on a mirror, allowing us to stare back at our own mask.-_

__

**Piper** **:** “What-”

**Janette** **:** “Piper?”

_-Piper nearly jumps out of her bed, and then quickly spins around, ready to attack whoever is in the room with her.-_

**Piper** **:** “Where am I?”

**?????:** "She's awake!"

**Piper:** “Awake and pissed. What the hell happened?"

**Piper:** “Who the bloody hell are these people?”

**Janette:** “I am Commanding Officer Janette Callahan of the Terrene Protectorate. We have a lot to dis-.”

**Piper:** “God fucking dammit.”

**Janette:** “Piper would you-”

**Piper:** “She doesn’t look armed. I wonder how big a ship we’re on…’

**Janette:** “This isn’t a ship, we're in San-”

**Piper:** “Is she reading my mind?”

**Janette:** “You are saying all this out loud.”

**Piper:** “Fuck you I know what-”

_-Piper suddenly reels back, clutching her jaw.-_

**???:** "Be careful! The wire in your jaw is supposed to restrict movement. You shouldn't speak too much for now."

**Piper:** “The hell do these people think they are..."

**Janette:** “Piper please, there’s a lot we have to tell you but you need to be willing to cooperate. Can you walk?”

**Piper:** “Can I bloody walk? I’ve walked on basically every inhabited planet in the Milky Way, ya bilge-sucking protectorate…”

_-Piper continues grumbling to herself as she rips the hospital bed sheets (and an IV drip in her arm) off and rather weakly stumbles out of the bed and on to her feet.-_

?????: "N-no no no stop! You're too weak to be on your feet! Please lie back down!"

**Piper:** “Bite me."

**Janette:** “Leave her, Sujal. Don't want to upset her too much."

_-Janette moves her hand in front of the doctor, a woman with angel-like wings-_

_-She sighs and nods-_

**Sujal:** "I understand..."

**Janette:** “The point is she’s finally awake, so there’s no more reason to delay the mission any longer.”

**Janette:** “I just hope she can still think straight after all that hit her.”

**Sujal:** "I'm just worried she's on too much adrenaline and ends up hurting herself even more."

_-As the two of them seem to be ignoring her again, Piper lets her attention drift to the X-rays on the desk at the other side of her bed.-_

_-Just as the two of them implied, they paint a gruesome picture:-_

_-"Before” images, showing that nearly the entire front of her skull was heavily fractured, bits of bone and metal sunk far enough to jab at her brain.-_

_-And “after” images, showing that while they had fitted as much as the could back in place. Even more, though, had been replaced with metal plating and occasional cybernetics.-_

_-Her jaw had been wired shut, and no attempt had been made to reconstruct any of her facial features. Instead, likely because it was a far cheaper solution, several points on her brain were now wired to where her mask clips on above her ears.-_

__

**Piper:** “What the _fuck."_

**Sujal:** "Oh no...you weren't supposed to see those yet. I'm so sorry."

**Janette:** “Ms. Piper, please try to-"

**Piper:** “What the fuck is this for eh?

**Piper:** “Why am I still alive? What ‘ave ya done?”

-Sujal slowly approaches Piper-

**Sujal:** "What was the last thing you remember before waking up?"

__

**Piper:** "...Now that's a question."

**Piper:** "Crap, what as I doin' there again? Something about helping-"

**Piper:** "Mary."

**Piper:** “Oh if I ever see your smug face again your robot ass is gettin' keelhauled through what's left of Mirrodin."

**Janette:** “...Piper, we need to ask something of you.”

**Piper:** “And for what bloody reason am I gonna listen to what the damn Protectorate thinks it can get me to do?”

**Piper:** “Especially after all this shit?”

**Sujal:** "The Protectorate was a big reason your life was saved."

**Piper:** “I ain't a life worth saving last I checked. You and every spineless boggart wearin’ that logo would say you’re better off without me so I-”

**Piper:** “-owwww...”

_-Piper pits a hand on her mask as she staggers backward.-_

**Sujal:** "Please relax with speaking. If you do it too much your jaw will be sore."

**Sujal:** "...if it helps, I'm not really working for the protector. I'm just someone who wishes to help others."

**Piper:** “I didn't ask for your life's story, I didn't ask for your help, and I sure as all shit didn't ask to be Frankenstein-d."

**Piper:** “Fuck this I’m not sticking around like this.”

_-Clearly trying to pretend she’s not in pain, she still musters enough strength to shove people out of her way to make it out of the room and start hobbling down the halls.-_

**Janette:** “Someone stop her! Anyone!?”

_-An overly sized sword blocks her path.-_

**?????:** "The doctor ordered for you to rest."

**Piper:** “Move it, brat."

_-Piper pushes past the heavily armored guard, going nowhere in particular.-_

**Janette:** “Don't hurt her any more than she already is! Just, follow her, I guess!"

**Janette:** “I- I'm getting Lana!"

**?????:** "Hmph.”

-The man follows Piper, simply walking behind her, as she limps up to a set of doors at the end of the hallway.-

**Piper:** “...fuckers can’t even give me a straight answer what happened to me."

**?????:** "Would you like help with opening the door?"

_-The man smirks-_

_-She kicks the door open and shoots the guard a death glare.-_

**Piper:** “I don’t care. I’m finding my gear and getting out…”

**Piper:** “...of…”

_-Piper stares out into a massive open space, with tiered walls lined with hundreds upon hundreds of holding cells.-_

_-The camera zooms out and away from her, giving us a better sense of scale for the massive facility. After a moment it leaves the building, revealing it to be built on an asteroid.-_

_  
_ __

__

**Piper** **:** “...San…”

**Piper** **:** “...Crispin...”

**?????** **:** “...Intergalactic Penitentiary.”

**?????** **:** “Home of the craziest, nastiest, and most dangerous individuals the Terrene Protectorate has ever taken alive.”

**?????** **:** “Welcome, Piper.”

_-Piper stands up as straight as possible, and slowly turns around. She talks high pitched like she’s catching up with an old friend.-_

_-Walking up alongside the guard that was tailing her, is an incredibly short, blue man.-_

__

**Piper** **:** “Warden Crumb!”

_**Piper** **:** “How’s ye been since Amonkhet, ye bloodsucking shitrag.” _

__

**Crumb:** “Fine, thanks.”

**Crumb:** “It’s always a good day when another threat to the good of the universe is locked away for good.”

**Piper** **:** “Who, me? Nah.”

**Piper** **:** “I’m good, thanks.”

**Piper** **:** “There’s this big party this month, and-”

**Crumb:** “Quiet.”

**Crumb:** “No being has ever freed themselves from my prison, Piper. You’re awfully full of yourself to think you’ll be the first.”

**Piper** **:** “Prison?”

**Piper** **:** “Don’t fucking kid yourself. You and I both know you don’t think of this place as a prison.”

**Piper** **:** “You’re one of the bad eggs here in the imagisphere. You’re greedy.”

**Piper** **:** “San Crispin isn’t a prison, it’s your hoard...”

**Piper** **:** “Your collection.”

**Piper** **:** “And every member of Black Plasma worth their sea salt knows ye got a thing for us pirates.”

_-Piper walks up to Crumb, and bends over to get in his face, He doesn't flinch.-_

__

_-Piper walks up to Crumb, and bends over to get in his face, He doesn't flinch.-_

**Piper** **:** “I ain’t a bloody collectible.”

**Crumb:** “Calliope?”

_-Something small and white rockets through Piper’s left knee.-_

**Piper** **:** **_“MOTHER OF FUCKING-"_ **

_-Piper falls over.-_

**Piper** **:** _**“Aaaaaaaaa..."** _

**Crumb:** “Good shot.”

**Calliope:** “thankyoU sir!~"

**Crumb:** “Round up her friends and take them all to interrogation cell 7. Lana's waiting for them."

_-Crumb looms over Piper on the ground.-_

**Crumb:** “You might not be a collectible, but I've had my eyes on that mask for a long time."

**Crumb:** “Unfortunately, now it looks like you're a package deal."

**Crumb:** “Zirus, pick her up, and follow me."

**Zirus:** "Yes sir."

_-Zirus, the guard, crouches to Piper-_

**Zirus:** "How would you like to be carried? Fireman? Cradle? Over the shoulder?"

_-Her mask blinks off.-_

__

_-Zirus looks at Crumb-_

**Zirus:** "I was just trying to be nice..."

_-Crumb almost smirks.-_

_~~~_

_-Ba donk-_

_-Ba donk-_

_-Someone is bouncing a white ball against the metal wall of a cell.-_

_-Ba donk-_

**Anna:** “Isabella?”

_-Ba donk-_

_-Anna peers over the edge of the top bunk, at Isabella sitting on the floor below her.-_

**Anna:** “Where did you get that ball from?”

_-She recoils a bit as Isabella tosses the ball up to her.-_

_-It looks impressively like a real eyeball, despite being a little larger than a golf ball.-_

**Anna:** “Huh.”

_-Isabella pops up into view missing an eye, snatches the ball out of Anna’s hands, and pops it back into her face before returning to the floor.-_

**Anna:** “For how long have you had a fake eye?”

_-Isabella buzzes out what sounds something like an “I don’t know.”-_

**Anna:** “I always suspected you were missing something. You always had the faintest scent of death on you.”

**Anna:** “I just never knew what.”

**????????:** “excUse me?"

_-The two of them turn to the guard at their cell door.-_

__

**Calliope:** “anna? lady valentine?"

**Anna:** “Well aren't you a cute one."

**Calliope:** “oh why thank yoU." ^u^

**Calliope:** “the two of yoU will be pleased to know yoUre captain is awake now."

**Calliope:** “i'm here to escort the two of yoU to the meeting, as discUssed."

_-Isabella buzzes gleefully, as Calliope lowers the forcefield over their cell.-_

**Calliope:** “right this way!"

**Anna:** “What about our fourth?"

**Calliope:** “lady averin is online and already waiting for Us."

_-Calliope leads the two of them out and through the endless halls of San Crispin.-_

**Anna:** “So, if you don't mind me asking, what is one such as yourself doing here? I don't believe I recognize you."

**Calliope:** “i'm crUmb's second in command here! and yes, i don't really leave mUch."

**Anna:** “I should clarify. I don't recognize what you are."

**Calliope:** “oh! yeah, no worries! i'm a cherUb, the last one infact!~"

**Anna:** “Cherub? You don't look like any angels I know."

**Calliope:** “no no, i-"

**Anna:** “Wait."

**Anna:** “No, you couldn't be..."

_-Calliope giggles.-_

**Calliope:** “yoU're thinking of my brother."

**Calliope:** “the most dangeroUs warlord to ever live, and the crown jewel of san crispin." u_u

**Calliope:** “he's asleep now, so i woUldn't worry!" ^u^

**Anna:** “I see..."

_-Anna and Isabella are both clearly being far more caution around her now, as she leads them to their destination.-_

**Calliope:** “here we are! please take yoUr seats!~"

_-Neither of them say anything, as they pass through the door Calliope is holding open for them.-_

_-Inside is a small party of people. Grand Protector Lana Blake, Commander Janette Callahan, and Warden Crumb are all standing on one side of the table at the center of the room. Across from them are four chairs, two of which are taken up by a groggy Joy and a heavily restrained Piper. Several staff members also stand at the edges of the room, including Sujal and Zirus.-_

_-Anna and Isabella take their seats.-_

__

_-Janette is pinching her nose in frustration.-_

**Janette:** “Maybe this was a bad idea.”

**Crumb:** “She’s certainly got a lot of fight left in her despite the injuries.”

**Janette:** “Why is she still smiling?”

**Piper** **:** “I’m actually not, that’s just the mask’s default mouth.”

**Janette:** “Of course it is.”

**Piper** **:** “Well I’m down a face and a leg so far, what’s next?”

**Piper** **:** “If you’re planning on harvesting organs I should tell ye these kidneys have been put through hell and back already.”

**Janette:** “This was a bad idea.”

**Crumb:** “Then you’re done with her?”

**Piper** **:** “Wait, fuck, don’t leave me with the talking jockstrap, for cultivator’s sake.”

**Janette:** “Are you going to listen to me?”

**Piper** **:** “Do I have much of a fucking choice at this rate?”

_-Janette sighs-_

_-Zirus looks at Sujal-_

**Zirus:** _-Semi-seriously-_ “Am I the talking jockstrap?”

_-Sujal giggles for a moment but then shoulder brushes him to be quiet-_

**Janette:** “Alright, let me finally see what we're working with here."

**Janette:** “Files."

_-Crumb hands Janette a holographic tablet.-_

**Janette:** “Joy Averin, Serial #: h-rj8HVW3PQ"

**Janette:** “Human, Old Earth French descent, accomplished freighter and fighter pilot."

_-Joy nods casually.-_

**Janette:** “Most of your cybernetics are stolen prototypes, fancy..."

**Joy:** “I can confirm they work."

**Janette:** “Anna, Serial #: Fv6TIub6DfQ"

**Janette:** “Human, Old Earth Russian decent, necromancer."

**Anna:** “In the flesh."

**Janette:** “hmph"

**Janette:** “Isabella Valentine, Serial #: 6V9_ygNhFcA"

**Janette:** “..."

**Janette:** “'File corrupted.'"

**Crumb:** “What?"

__

**Crumb:** “Give me that!"

_-Crumb swipes the tablet back.-_

**Crumb:** “How the-"

**Lana:** “Then start a new one."

_-Crumb hands it over again.-_

**Janette:** “Right."

_-Janette glances up and down a few times between Isabella and her new, blank file.-_

**Janette:** “What, is she, exactly?”

**Piper:** “Ah, we don’t know.”

**Piper:** “Pretty sure she’s faefolk, but she seems ta got some troll in her, some avali…”

**Janette:** “She can speak for herself, thank you.”

**Piper:** “She can’t talk.”

**Janette:** “What do you mean she can’t talk?”

**Piper:** “I mean she’s a mute, she can’t fuckin’ talk.”

_-Isabella buzzes a greeting.-_

**Janette:** “Fine, we'll do this later."

**Janette:** “That just leaves you."

**Janette:** “'Piper'."

**Piper:** “Why the tone?"

**Janette:** “Other than your recent behavior?"

**Janette:** “this file is so bare-bones we may as well not have one at all."

**Janette:** “Secondhand accounts, no photos, not even a real identity."

**Janette:** “'Do not confront.' Cute."

**Zirus:** “Sounds like a drifter.”

**Zirus:** “If so, we might have something in common.”

_-Zirus smiles-_

**Sujal:** “Don’t get too excited, Zirus.”

**Piper:** “I can hear you back there."

**Zirus:** “I mean... _that_ time it was intentional...”

_-Sujal shakes her head-_

**Sujal:** “We’re sorry. Ignore us.”

**Crumb:** _-ahem-_

**Crumb:** “The four of you are all that’s left of some people I’ve wanted behind my bars for a long, long time.”

**Crumb:** “To see all that remains of the once-great Black Plasma safely within my walls is a great triumph of justice all its own!”

_-Everyone in the room is now visibly uncomfortable, in different ways.-_

**Crumb:** “But alas, there is always something more."

_-Crumb jumps up to stand on the table, still not being eye level with anyone standing up fully.-_

**Crumb:** “If the four of you have even an ounce of morality to share amongst you, we have an offer we urge you to consider."

**Crumb:** “There is someone we want more, someone you could do a great service to all the universe in helping us apprehend.”

**Lana:** “And we’re offering that you help us apprehend him, in exchange for your freedom.”

**Crumb:** “It will be-”

**Crumb: “WHAT!?”**

**Piper:** “Heh, let me guess."

**Piper:** “You want the Baron, don’t’cha? The League's logo was all over the ship you fished us out of.”

**Lana:** “Ideally, we want the whole League, but the baron alone will be enough in exchange for us to let you walk.”

**Crumb:** “Grand Protector you can’t be serious. These are pirates!”

**Lana:** “They will not be able to return to lives of crime, I assure you Warden.”

**Crumb:** “You can’t be sure of anything with these types! The fact that we’re trying to reason with them at all is a risk!”

**Piper:** “You really think there’s a chance we decide to actually fucking help you put Baron Von Count away for good?”

**Crumb:** “Yes, see? They aren’t to be given so much trust!”

**Lana:** “Piper, either you help us, and if we succeed, you can find a new life…”

**Lana:** “...or you either fail or don’t try at all, and you never see outside these walls again.”

_-Piper leans back further in her chair, throwing her head back.-_

**Piper:** “...Ye cunts get just how much I ‘ate ya, right?”

**Piper:** “But do I hate the Baron just a we bit more?”

**Lana:** “You would throw away a chance at freedom out of petty spite?”

**Piper:** “I sure as shit got half a mind to...”

**Piper:** “...but I’m no dictator.”

**Piper:** “Girls?”

**Anna:** “I have better things to do than wait for this prison to crumble around me.”

_-Warden Crumb shoots Anna a scathing look.-_

**Joy:** “I would rather die than waste away here, and perhaps in this mission, should we fail, there will be a chance too. I would also love to fly again.”

_-Piper picks her head up and turns to Isabella.-_

_-Isabella nods at her enthusiastically.-_

_-Piper throws her head back again.-_

**Piper:** “Fuck”

**Piper:** “Me”

**Piper:** “Running.”

**Sujal:** “If you keep talking like that your jaw will be sore again.”

**Piper:** “'Ay, enough outta you. I'm getting a hang of the think-talking."

**Piper:** “It's my damn head more than anything. Worst migraine of my life..."

**Sujal:** “The anti-migraine medicine’s effects have probably worn off. We were feeding you it in the IV drip you ripped out.”

**Crumb:** “Yes, perhaps at the very least this mission should be delayed until she's fully recovered. A severe brain injury like hers can't be the kind of thing one can shrug off."

**Piper:** “Like you have one, cotton head."

**Piper:** “But fine. We’ll do it.”

**Piper:** “But don’t expect me to wear a big fucking grin about it.”

**Piper:** “And especially don’t think what you’re asking here is easy. You’re going to need quite the golden opportunity to get to ‘im.”

**Lana:** “Like his upcoming ball?”

**Piper:** “...”

**Piper:** “A'ight, shit, ye know more than I thought ye did.”

**Zirus:** “...aren’t you literally wearing a big grin right now?”

_-Sujal punches Zirus’ side discreetly as he grunts-_

__

**Piper:** “I fucking told ya its the default!"

**Lana:** “The two of you, stop antagonizing her."

**Zirus:** “I’m not...I didn’t say the mask looked bad.”

**Sujal:** “Zirus has a problem of not thinking before talking. He means well for the most part. As for me, I’m simply worried since she should still be resting but she’s currently tied to a chair with a hole in her knee...”

**Zirus:** “Yeah I gotta admit, this has been going pretty fast. Unless there’s something I’m missing there’s no need to rush this as much as we currently are.”

Sujal nods

**Janette:** “I prefer not to waste time, and we have a lot ahead of us for this mission, if we get to it at all."

**Zirus:** “Well at the rate you’re going the person you’re gonna rely on will die before they even get to the target.”

**Piper:** “And what a welcome end to this hell it would be."

**Janette:** _-Sigh-_ "Yes, we know Baron Von Count is organizing an event of sorts, and we know his timing is no coincidence."

**Piper:** “It never is. The fat bastard wouldn't last 5 minutes without at least three clocks on him."

**Janette:** “We know he's planning something."

**Piper:** “Oh what brilliant detective work. The man that's convinced he's the biggest cartoon supervillain ever is cooking up some evil scheme."

**Piper:** “What is it? Blocking out the sun so it doesn't get in his eyes in the morning? Draining the seas so the waves don't knock down his sandcastles?"

**Janette:** “I wouldn't be so quick to dismiss him."

**Piper:** “What are you, his biggest fan? Why do you care so much about him?"

**Janette:** “I care about what it is The Baron has.”

**Piper:** “And what, pray tell, would that be?”

**Janette:** “Oil.”

**Piper:** “Oil?”

**Janette:** “Phyrexian Oil. The plague that led to the evacuation and destruction of Mirrodin.”

**Janette:** “The Baron was harvesting it. You were helping him.”

**Janette:** “We don’t know what he plans on doing with it, but as long as any of the substance remains, it is a threat to the entire known universe.”

**Piper:** “Oh yeah? What's so bad about it?"

**Janette:** “It twists all it touches, combining flesh and metal into unholy monstrosities hellbent on the spread of it's corruption."

**Piper:** “Metal."

**Janette:** “Do you take anything seriously?"

**Piper:** “Do you not?"

**Piper:** “I get it, you're the big name in charge, but fuck do you need a drink in ya."

_-Janette steams a bit.-_

**Piper:** “So..."

**Piper:** “Are we done here?"

**Janette:** “No!"

**Janette:** “We need to actually, you know, discuss what the plan is?"

**Janette:** “And no, Crumb, we can't delay. Wait for her to recover and we'll miss the Baron's ball."

_-Crumb grumbles to himself.-_

**Piper:** “Not to mention we'll have to make another stop first."

**Piper:** “The ball's invite-only, we're going to need a few to get anywhere near him."

**Janette:** “For cultivator's sake..."

**Piper:** “The Baron's a paranoid fucker. Wants everyone to go through contacts all across the universe to get to him."

**Janette:** “Fine, where?"

**Piper:** “You sure? An uptight, by-the-books broad like you ain't gonna like it."

**Janette:** “Alternia?"

**Piper:** “Hehe, nope."

**Piper:** “You're in the right galaxy though."

**Janette:** “Avalon."

**Piper:** “No."

**Janette:** “FL1-4!? Groxia!?"

**Piper:** “Do you have a fucking death wish?"

**Janette:** “Do you!?"

**Piper:** “I know you're thinking it."

**Janette:** _-groan.-_

**Janette:** “I'm not-"

**Piper:** “The invitations with Black Plasma's names on them are in the hands of a contact down on New Earth, whether anyone likes it or not."

**Piper:** “Without them, crashing this party ain't happening."

**Janette:** “Nooo..."

**Lana:** “So be it."

**Janette:** _“noooooooo..."_

**Lana:** “Janette?"

**Janette:** “New Earth is quarantined for a reason! We have no idea what dangers are down there!"

**Piper:** “Pussy."

**Janette:** “The Condesce herself vanished there! Not to mention Yellow Diamond less than a year ago.”

**Piper:** “What a shame, the Condece.”

**Janette:** “Wh-”

**Janette:** “Don’t tell me you liked her.”

**Piper:** “Hell no. I wanted to be the one that killed her. It was on my bucket list.”

**Piper:** “But oh well. Maybe to compensate I’ll find whoever it was down there that did it and kill them instead.”

**Crumb:** “I still don't think this is a good idea."

**Lana:** “It is not your decision, Crumb."

**Lana:** “As for you Janette. I thought I was clear before..."

**Piper:** “Oh, what's this now?"

**Lana:** “This mission is your last chance to make up for Mirrodin and Amonkhet. You will do whatever is necessary."

**Lana:** “You've been away from the field for far too long anyway."

**Lana:** “You there. 'Zirus', was it?"

_-Zirus is whispering something to Sujal but then realizes he’s being called-_

**Zirus:** “Yes Grand Protector?”

**Lana:** “Head down to the hanger and tell them to prepare teleporters to the Milky Way."

**Piper:** “Taking the teleporters?"

**Lana:** “The only way you're going to make it from here to Earth to Bablovia in time."

**Piper:** “Gonna be expensive."

**Janette:** “I'll pay for it myself."

_-Lana nods.-_

**Lana:** “Sujal? Brief Officer Janette on Piper's new medical needs and make sure she has the proper supplies, including an accelerated treatment for her leg."

**Zirus and Sujal:** “Yes Grand Protector.”

_-They both nod and head out together-_

**Lana:** “Crumb?"

**Crumb:** “Yes, Grand Protector?"

**Lana:** “If you can manage, take the night off. You're as wound up as ever."

**Piper:** “Heh. 'Wound up'."

**Piper:** “Get it, because he's a fucking sack-"

**Lana:** “And the four of you."

_-Lana squints.-_

**Lana:** “Do not disappoint me. There is more at stake here than you realize."


	3. New Earth

In orbit of Sol-3β “New Earth”, Milky Way Galaxy

March 16th, 2019

_-Janette stands looking down at the planet below. This ship, a small, mass-produced transport, orbits around the infamous “New” Earth.-_

**Janette:** “I can't believe I'm doing this..."

**Joy:** “I take it you're still apprehensive about this."

**Janette:** “Quiet."

...

**Joy:** “That's all I'm going to get out of you?"

**Janette:** “I said quiet."

...

...

**Joy:** “...I'd recommend at least trying to-"

**Janette:** “GAH! I can't take this!"

**Janette:** “How did I end up here, staring down a dangerously quarantined planet, no company but these filthy criminals..."

**Joy:** “Do you always talk out loud to yourself, or is that just a symptom of the stress?"

_-Janette turns to glare at Joy. Joy remains as expressionless as ever.-_

**Janette:** “Is this funny to you?"

**Joy:** “At some level."

**Joy:** “It's obvious you're well outside your comfort zone on this assignment. What happened?"

**Janette:** “Don't give me that, I don't need your damn council."

**Joy:** “It would appear you do. This whole thing would go far smoother if you weren't antagonizing those you're meant to work with."

**Joy:** “I would hope this behavior isn't common among the Protectorate."

**Janette:** “Like you haven't been antagonizing me these last two days..."

**Joy:** “Piper antagonizes everyone. I wouldn't take it personally."

**Joy:** “But the rest of us have tried to make the best of this situation. It is you who remains unpersonable."

_-Janette turns back to Earth.-_

**Joy:** “Looks just like the old one, right?”

**Janette:** “Update on the others?"

**Joy:** _..._

**Joy:** “They're getting up."

**Joy:** “I think I'm getting the hang of this ship."

**Janette:** “I thought you were one of the best ship pilots around."

**Joy:** “In my ship, yes."

**Joy:** “The Black Plasma is rewired from the core level up to interface with me. My performance drops greatly at the helm of another."

**Joy:** “This is the first time in a very long time I've been far enough from the Black Plasma to not even have my remote connection."

**Janette:** “When was the last time?"

**Joy:** “The last time I was this removed from my ship, it was another ship.”

**Janette:** “...what?”

**Joy:** “The original Starship Black Plasma."

**Joy:** “Battleship class, the flagship of the fleet. I could get it off the ground and into orbit in 0.52 seconds, abusing niche FTL startup sequences."

**Janette:** “That is an unbelievably dangerous and reckless way to lift off, especially a ship of that size."

**Joy:** “As you said, I was one of the best."

...

**Janette:** “What happened to it?"

**Joy:** “Didn't need it anymore. It's an unreasonably large ship for only four people."

**Joy:** “After Amonkhet we hid it away, took my systems offline to transfer them to the strike craft we use now."

**Janette:** “...Amonkh-"

**Piper:** _“Alright I'm here you cunts."_

_-Piper has burst into the room, with Anna and Isabella trailing her.-_

**Joy:** “We have arrived at our destination."

**Janette:** “Do you have any idea where this contact of yours is? Finding one person on an entire planet with nothing to go off would be a massive waste of time."

**Piper:** “Of course I have a damn clue where I'm going. Joy, pull up a map."

-At the center of the room, a holographic projection of the Planet Earth appears.-

-Piper walks up and plants a foot confidently on a chair to get up close to it.-

**Piper:** “It was somewhere on this side..."

-As she looks, Anna moves to stand by Janette, looking down at the planet herself.-

**Anna:** “...ew"

**Janette:** “What?"

**Anna:** “This planet has, like, no mana to it."

**Anna:** “It's basically dead."

**Janette:** “You can sense that from up here?"

**Piper:** “There!"

_-She points to a spot on the globe. Everyone turns to her.-_

**Janette:** “That... is the middle of the ocean."

**Joy:** “Actually, it does appear there is a city there."

**Joy:** “This must be a map of Old Earth. Has the Protectorate not conducted a more recent survey?"

**Piper:** “Of course, can't expect the great Protectorate to keep close tabs on their own quarantine can we?"

_-Piper expectantly glares at Janette, she pretends not to notice.-_

**Piper:** “That city is where he's hiding. I know he's not a human, so he should be easy to sniff out from there."

**Joy:** “Local time; 11:31 AM. I'll take us down on this tract of land outside the city and we'll proceed on foot to avoid drawing to much attention."

**Janette:** “Can you even land there? That looks really rocky."

**Joy:** “No. We don't have permission to land anyway. We're leaving the ship in orbit and taking the personal teleporters."

**Janette:** “Oh, right. Leaving our ship unguarded in low orbit..."

**Janette:** “That's a risk we want to be taking, yeah."

**Piper:** “Well it sounds like we don't really have a choice, do we?"

**Piper:** “Don't stress ye'self over it, lady. 'Glass half full' and whatever."

**Janette:** “And I'm sure you'll figure out how to empty the other half of my glass while we're down there."

**Piper:** “I'mma break this fucking glass over your head if you can't change your attitude."

**Janette:** _-hmph-_

**Piper:** “Right. Everyone cram yourself into the tubes and check for stray flies."

**Janette:** “That's an urban legend."

**Piper:** “It's from a movie, ye sheltered brat."

_-Janette grumbles as she teleports down.-_

**♬Visiting Inkopolis Square♬**  


  
  
  
  
  


**♬Inkopolis News♬**  


**Pearl:** “Gooooood morning Inkopolis!!!"

**Pearl:** “Y'all know what time it is!"

**Marina:** “It’s Off the Hook, coming at you LIVE from Inkopolis Square!”

**Marina:** “I hope everyone's making the best of this bright, clear day out. The perfect conditions for tonight's Splatfest!"

_-Cheers erupt for outside.-_

**Pearl:** “But first, check it. Here's today's regular battle stage schedule!"

**Pearl:** “Right now we got the Manta Maria on deck, along side..."

**Piper:** “And here I was worried we'd stick out like sore pricks. This place is a fucking freakshow!"

**Janette:** “So much for our guy not being human."

**Anna:** “New Earth _does_ have humans, right?"

**Janette:** “I was under that impression, yes. I certainly didn't know New Earth had anything _other_ than humans.."

**Piper:** “Oh shut up. We'll find him."

**Piper:** “Just gotta know where to look."

**Piper:** “Hey you!"

_-Piper marches right up to a pair of Inklings sitting at a table, startling them.-_

**Piper:** “Mind if I ask ya something?"

**Janette:** “She's going to get us in so much trouble."

**Joy:** “It's what she's good at."

**Janette:** “If we want to stay on schedule we need to find this guy within 24 hours."

**Janette:** “All we have to go off is that he's not human, which is useless, and that he's somewhere in this city we know nothing about."

**Janette:** “Is this how all your missions go?"

**Anna:** “If my memory serves, and it does, this was your idea."

**Anna:** “...But yes."

_-Isabella wanders in circles around the group, taking on all the sights she can. She's like a child in a theme park.-_

_-She wanders up to a jellyfish and waves.-_

_-It waves back.-_

_-Before long the two of them are miming at each other excitedly.-_

**_-Slam!-_ **

_-Piper comes rolling back to the rest of the group, covered in green slime.-_

**Piper:** “Alright, fish people got some moves..."

**Anna:** “Are you done embarrassing yourself?"

**Piper:** “Zip it, hag, I think I actually did get something out of that."

**Piper:** “Everyone follow me."

_-Isabella waves goodbye to the jellyfish as she scurries to catch up with the party.-_

~~~

**?????:** “Wha'dya mean ya ain't buggin' me fe clothes, love?"

**?????:** “Come ta Inkopolis from cod knows w'ere, make a point te find an in wih' the underground, and ye ain't even 'ere fer the gear..."

_-The man turns around.-_

__

**Spyke:** “Wha'dya want then mates? A rub?"

**Janette:** “We're looking for someone specific."

**Spyke:** “An'?"

**Piper:** “Someone not from around here. who might also be poking his nose where it don't belong?"

**Spyke:** “Fergive me ladies, this city's got i'self quite the tourism industry."

**Spyke:** “An' I ain't exactly in wit' that crowd."

_-Janette makes a noise of frustration.-_

**Janette:** “Of course, what did I expect here."

**Janette:** “Come on you idiots..."

**Piper:** “Hold it honey, the grown-ups are talking still."

_-Piper turns back to Spyke.-_

**Piper:** “Sorry, she's not got her sea legs yet."

**Spyke:** “Fine, love."

**Spyke:** “Like I was sayin', this town's big, industrious, full 'a people trying to stick out."

**Spyke:** “I ain't exactly unknown m'self, but I can't remember ever last bloke that blows through."

**Spyke:** “'lest it means som'tin te me, anyway."

_-Subtly, he rubs is fingers together.-_

_  
_

**Piper:** “Now see, we-"

**Janette:** “Fine."

_-Janette pulls out a plastic card and hold it out to him.-_

_-He just, stares at her, like she's a complete idiot.-_

**Spyke:** “Do I look like I can take yer freaky space money?"

**Spyke:** “Even if I took cards a' all."

**Janette:** “It's pixels. Energy credits."

**Spyke:** “Lady can ye s'ut this bloke up?'

**Piper:** “Would if I could."

**Piper:** “The last few days have been hell."

**Spyke:** “'Sides, I don't 'ave much need fer money nowadays anyway."

**Spyke:** “Nah, but ye can grease my palms in o'er ways."

**Janette:** “What do you want?"

**Spyke:** “Snails, love."

_-Akward silence.-_

**Spyke:** “I eat 'em."

**Piper:** “Okay?"

**Spyke:** “Look, they 'and these out te those what place well in these big events called 'splatfests' 'ere."

**Spyke:** “Lucky fer you lot there's one on tonight."

**Spyke:** “Come back te me what wi' a few snails, may i'll 'ave remembered yer alien friend by then."

**Piper:** “Done."

**Spyke:** “Oh, jus' like that eh?"

**Spyke:** “Well let me warn ye, you ain't gonna get the gear ye need to compete with our a rep behind 'ye. Store folks 'ere ain't selling their good shit te any ol' blokes."

~~~

**Piper:** “Well."

**Piper:** “We're fucked."

**Anna:** “What's the matter, Piper? Getting people to like you not your specialty?"

**Piper:** “Like it's yours either."

_-Anna looks around. Her gaze lands on an octoling girl in sunglasses, quietly sitting at a table nearby, silently reading a magazine on her own.-_

__

**Piper:** “...Anna, if you really think you have so much more damn charisma, let's see you go make a damn friend."

**Anna:** “Watch and learn."

_-Anna approaches the girl.-_

**  
**

**Anna:** “Excuse me, darling..."

-The octoling doesn't even look up from her magazine or respond.-

**Anna:** “I could use the help of someone more familiar with how things work around here, if you wouldn't mind."

-She just turns the page and continues reading.-

-Anna's expression of forced friendliness drops slightly, as purple lines etched into her skin flash for a moment.-

-The shadow of the building the two of them are under stretches, creeping over the octoling's magazine, and then thickens until the pages are pitch black.-

-The octoling puts the magazine down and pulls out her phone.-

Octoling: "Go talk to someone who cares."

-Having totally dropped her façade now, Anna scoffs and returns to the others."

**Anna:** “I hate this planet."

**Piper:** “Hey, she didn't attack you, so ya did better than me."

**Anna:** “This is why I only work with dead people, and my book."

**Anna:** “My shades, however..."

_-Anna's Shadow, which trailed behind her like black sludge on her way back, starts picking itself up.-_

_-It hides under a tree Anna leans herself against, and starts whispering to her.-_

**Anna:** “Give me a few moments to go over the contents of that girl's magazine, and I'll have a much better idea what makes these people tick."

**Janette:** “What happened to moving with a sense of urgency here?"

**Piper:** “What's the rush? Supposedly this party doesn't kick off until sundown."

**Piper:** “May as well hang out a bit. Anyone hungry?"

**Joy:** “...are you?"

**Janette:** “I should remind you food is no longer an option for you, in your condition."

**Piper:** “I bloody know that."

_-At the mention of food, Isabella was already on the hunt.-_

_-She wanders up to the food truck, having to jump up and hang off the serving counter to see over it, and lets her gaze pour over the menu.-_

_-Eventually, her eyes light up and she begins to slightly drool at the sight of a specific dish.-_

__

**Piper:** “...The ‘Triple-Fried Galactic Shwaffle’.”

**Piper:** “Damn thing looks more like a one-sitting food coma.”

**Piper:** “More like the fucking ‘New Earth Stomach Remover’.”

_-The food truck’s proprietor steps in front of Isabella’s admiring gaze.-_

__

**Crusty Sean:** “Sorry girl, those dishes are special. Turf war battlers with valid tickets only.”

_-Isabella makes a quick few movements with her antennae.-_

**Isabella:** _-Subtitled-_ [Oh come on!]

**Crusty Sean:** “It’s the rules, that grub comes with special boosts only for those fresh enough to earn it.”

**Piper:** “Wait, you can understand her?”

**Crusty Sean:** “Sure, it’s antenna basic.”

**Isabella:** [What should that matter if we aren’t battlers?]

**Crusty Sean:** “Then you _double_ ain’t fresh enough squirt.”

**Crusty Sean:** “If you’re hungry there’s other things on my menu you can ord-”

_-Before he finishes his sentence Isabella ejects from the countertop and starts storming off in a tantrum.-_

**Piper:** “Well that solved nothin’.”

**Crusty Sean:** “Yeah, it’s a shame some kids have to be picky eaters like that.”

_-Isabella stops dead in her tracks, one of her eyes twitching momentarily.-_

__

__

**Piper:** “Picky eaters huh?”

**Crusty Sean:** “I don’t know, I guess some people just don’t have the palettes for the good stuff.”

_-Isabella comes speeding back up to the food truck, jumping back up to slam all four of her hands down on the counter before pointing one right in Crusty Sean’s face.-_

**Isabella:** [I could grill circles around you and your grease-drowned palette any day you overgrown cocktail!]

**Crusty Sean:** “I’d like to see you fry, squiddo!”

**Piper:** “Look like we got ourselves a food truck cook off!”

**Crusty Sean:** “...wait what?”

**Piper:** “You heard the girl..."

**Piper:** “...I think..."

**Piper:** “You're getting called out!"

_-A small crowd of people is starting to gather around the commotion.-_

_-Isabella teleports up to the ship, a moment later she's back down in a full chef's outfit, brandishing utensils.-_

**Crusty Sean:** “Wh- I-"

_-Sean takes account of the crowds watching.-_

**Crusty Sean:** “You know what, fine. Impress me and it’s on the house pipsqueak."

_-Some people cheer.-_

**♬Shipwreckin'♬  
**

_-Isabella scrambles up into the food truck through the window.-_

**Crusty Sean:** “Woah, hey!"

**Crusty Sean:** “Alright girl, first you need-"

_-She's hardly listening. Red sparks of electricity fly as she's speeding around the kitchen, already heating oil and breading the meat.-_

_-She stops to give Sean a taunting smirk.-_

**Crusty Sean:** “You got a real energy to ya, huh kiddo?"

_-The crowd cheers again and Sean gets to work as well, turning on another fryer.-_

_-Despite Isabella's advantages of super speed and extra arms, Sean is more than able to keep pace with her.-_

**Piper:** “I haven't seen her this excited to cook in a while!"

**Piper:** “Granted I sent to stay out of the kitchen with her for fear of electrocution."

_-Piper glances to Janette, who is the only person around completely ignoring the events unfolding.-_

_-She's pouring over something on her holographic visor.-_

**Piper:** “Do you ever loosen up bitch?"

**Piper:** “...hey I'm talking to you!"

**Janette:** “Hmn?"

**Piper:** “You're standing into the middle of a colorful, cheering crown with music blasting, and you're doing fucking paperwork!?"

**Janette:** “I am the head of the Terrene Peacekeepers, I have responsibilities."

**Piper:** “Oh I'm so sorry miss workaholic, that you never learned how to know when to put aside your precious 'peacekeeping'."

**Janette:** “Are- are you treating this like it's a vacation?"

**Piper:** “A bit, yeah."

**Piper:** “I haven't had to shoot anyone after talking to them for three days now. I may as well still be comatose."

**Janette:** _-hmph-_

**Crusty Sean:** “Done!"

_-Two identical meals hit the serving counter at the exact same time. The crown explodes.-_

**Crusty Sean:** “Well, you certainly made good time! But let's see how it tastes."

_-Sean swaps the plates around, and take a bit of Isabella's.-_

_-Everyone is quiet.-_

**Crusty Sean:** “...a'ight, I admit it, you got the talent."

**Crusty Sean** : “You got the Crust Bucket seal of approval squirt, I concede."

_-The crowd explodes again-_

_-Isabella is beaming.-_

**Crusty Sean:** “If you're ever in town for long, come and find me, we could talk about working together some time."

**Isabella:** :o

**Piper:** “Alright ye had yer fun Izzy."

_-Isabella nods. She shoots Sean a wink as she nabs his meal and jumps back out of the truck. Sean waves her off.-_

**Piper:** “Satisfied, girl?"

**???????:** “Excuse me..."

_-Piper feels someone tugging on the back of her coat.-_

**Piper:** “Careful, 'last person that tried anything on me like that lost their head."

**???????:** “Oh sorry. It's just that I heard you and your friends were looking for a way to compete tonight..."

_-Piper turns around.-_

**Sheldon:** “I believe I could be of some assistance. Making equipment for non-inklings has been a recent project of mine."

~~~

**♬New You♬  
**

_-Sheldon leads the party of five into his store.-_

**Sheldon:** “You see, a lot of people around the world have started expressing an interest in the inkling combat sport that is turf war!"

**Piper:** “uh-huh."

**Sheldon:** “But without the natural biological capabilities of inklings and octolings, they would normally be at a severe disadvantage! You can't swim through ink, you can't jump, you cant even respawn!"

**Piper:** “yep."

**Sheldon:** “Well as this city's best turf war equipment supplier I knew it was my duty to fix this! Thanks to a recent partnership of mine I have been hard at work making the technology needed for humans and other non-linkings to fight with an even playing field, and I'd like to know it the five of you are willing to help field test for me!"

**Piper:** “nice."

**Joy:** “I'd like to apologize on behalf of those of us who may not have been listening."

**Sheldon:** “I'm used to it!"

_-Sheldon stops and turns around, proudly motioning to his wares.-_

**Sheldon:** “First thing's first, picking your weapons!"

**Piper:** “I have my own thanks."

**Sheldon:** “I'm afraid unlicensed equipment is not allowed in sanctioned turf wars, a splatfest especially."

**Sheldon:** “I've seen the weapon other species make, I don't know what you all are thinking, but in turf wars, there's one ammo and one ammo only; _INK!"_

_-Piper grumbles to herself.-_

_-Isabella finishes her mean and deposits the wrapper in the store's trash can, then skitters over to the weapon racks.-_

_-Her eyes land on one, she takes it down.-_

_-...cautiously, she removes the cork and puts a tongue to the nozzle.-_

**Isabella:** _-Bleh!-_

_-She drops the gun, it rolls and comes to a stop at Piper's feet, she picks it up and actually evaluates it as a weapon.-_

**Piper:** “Weird looking, but I can see where you're going with this."

**Piper:** “Got a range we can test on?"

**Sheldon:** “I certainly do! Follow me!"

_-Someone is already practicing here in the shooting range, several more are gathered around her to watch.-_

_-She adjusts her hat under her headphones, then slams a button on the wall to make another set of inflatable targets pop up.-_

_-Ink flies, and in the blink of an eye every last target is burst and the butting slammed again.-_

Onlooker: “2.5 seconds!”

Inkling: "That's certainly a personal best. But I think I can do better!"

_-She hits the button to go again.-_

_-When she gets down to the last target, something else pops it before she has the chance.-_

_-The inkling presses the button and then looks at where the bullet came from, slightly confused-_

**Piper:** “Like I said before, fish people got some moves."

**Piper:** “But if you don't mind, I'd like a pass or two at this."

**Piper:** “Ye seem to bee hoggign the floor a bit is all."

_-The inkling smiles and steps aside for Piper-_

Inkling: "Sure. Spend as much time as you like."

**Piper:** “Sheldon?"

_-The camera remains locked on a single inflatable target as Piper fiddles with weapons offscreen.-_

_-After a moment, ink hits the target and pops it.-_

**Piper:** “No."

_-Another stream of ink, popping the target slightly faster.-_

**Piper:** “Nah."

**Piper:** “The fuck is-"

_-A bouncing bubble pops the target.-_

**Piper:** “Nope."

_-A wide spray shoots around the target, not hitting it at all.-_

**Piper:** “Horseshit."

_-A small bubble of ink detonates in front of the target, popping it right away.-_

**Piper:** “There we go, that's a bit more my speed."

**Piper:** “This one please."

**Sheldon:** “An excellent choice!"

**Sheldon:** “The Blaster main in this set is a relative of the shooter family, but it fires balls of ink that explode in midair! It's a bit lacking in the range and fire-rate departments, but when it hits...it HITS. Even near misses deal damage thanks to the ink explosion! Pin the enemy down with the-"

**Piper:** “Holy crap I get it."

**Joy:** “Move."

_-Joy replaces Piper on the range, carrying a gigantic weapon.-_

__

**Piper:** “What the hell Joy, that's your pick?."

_-Joy demonstrates the weapon, clearing the field of targets from a significant distance almost as fast as the inkling was.-_

**Joy:** “Yes."

**Sheldon:** “The Ballpoint Splatling Nouveau has all the charm and stats of the original, but comes with a set that offers a different style of-"

_-Piper pushes down on Sheldon, compacting him into his shell comedically. he continues his rant muffled.-_

**Piper:** “Izzy, what do you got?"

_-The air is filled with sparks as all the targets on the range are dealt with instantly, and the entire room evenly coated with pink.-_

__

**Piper:** “Impressive, and they match you to boot."

_-Sheldon rumbles.-_

**Piper:** “Oh no."

**Sheldon:** _-Pop!-_ “The Dualie Squelchers are great for a highly mobile support role."

**Piper:** “...that's it?"

**Sheldon:** “If you're not going to listen to me..."

**Piper:** “Whatever. Anna?"

**Anna:** “I'll pass."

**Piper:** “Excuse you?"

**Anna:** “You know I don't do weapons. That, and this seems incredibly messy..."

**Sheldon:** “Well you're going to want a full team of four, unless you want your empty space filled by loners."

**Piper:** “Yeah and it's not like-"

_-Piper realizes Janette is here, standing far off to the side pretending she isn't.-_

**Piper:** “You know what? Fine. This'll be good."

**Piper:** “Hey Commander Peacekeeper! If that pole up your ass doesn't keep you from a bit of running you need to step up!"

**Janette:** “No."

**Piper:** “'No' she says."

**Piper:** “Her precious job is riding on all this going right and she says 'No'."

**Piper:** “Fine let's go call up mommy Lana so you can cry to her about the playground bullies."

**Janette:** “I'm only here to make sure you four keep to your word."

**Piper:** “Oh are ye now?"

**Piper:** “What was it Lana said to you again? 'This mission is your last chance to make up for Mirrodin and Amonkhet. You will do whatever is necessary.'?"

**Piper:** “I'm missing a good chunk of my prefrontal cortex now and I still got that."

**Piper:** “What's your connection with Amonkhet anyway, huh? What the fuck did you have to do with how-"

**Janette:** “Fine!"

**Janette:** “Just, shut up for once!"

**Janette:** “You fucking monster!"

**Piper:** “Aye. I'll take that."

**Piper:** “Give 'er a squirt gun."

**Sheldon:** “...oh! Right. What's you're style madam?"

**Janette:** “I don't- I don't care. Default."

_-Piper bursts into laughter.-_

**Janette:** “Okay, what's next?"

**Piper:** “What, not going to play with your new Monolith Burger Funmeal Prize for a bit?"

**Janette:** “What. Next."

**Sheldon:** "Next you four will need these special vests I've been cooking up. Apologies is they don't fit just right."

_-They each grab a vest.-_

**Piper:** “I don't know, it kind of clashes with my style."

**Sheldon:** “They should work just fine worn under your other clothes.”

**Piper:** “Aye, fine..."

_-Piper starts removing her coat...-_

_-...and top.-_

_-Everyone still in the room reacts accordingly, thankfully taking the camera away from her.-_

**Sheldon:** “M- ma'am we have a restroom!"

**Piper:** “Oh just turn away ye tiny fucking pervert."

**Piper:** “There."

_-The camera returns to her once she's fully dressed again.-_

**Janette:** “Was that even remotely necessary?"

**Piper:** -Clearly pushing her accent.- “Acordin' te how red ye face is I'd say incredibly."

_-Janette scoffs.-_

**Sheldon:** _-Ahem!-_ "Anyway! With my vests the four of you should now be on an even playing field with your inkling opponents!"

**Sheldon:** “Observe."

-Sheldon politely gestures for one of Isabella's dualies and shoots Piper.-

_-And after a few seconds...-_

_-...she reappears at the other side of the room, dizzy, but spotless.-_

__

**Piper:** “A little warning next time ya little goblin? Normally ye get a chance to brace ye' self for a teleport like that."

**Janette:** “Wait, no!"

**Janette:** “That's The Protectorate's teleportation technology! Where did you get this!? Where are you getting these cores!?"

**Sheldon:** “M- my recent research and development partner wanted to remain anonymous..."

**Janette:** “I don't believe this!"

**Janette:** “Totally unregistered technological uplifting! Artificial introduction of early technology like this is incredibly reckless, even if it is Earth!"

**Janette:** “Are you getting this!?"

**Piper:** “Why ye' looking at me for what am I gonna fucking do?"

**Janette:** “Wh- I-"

**Janette:** “Nevermind, forget i said anything."

**Piper:** “Okay?"

**Piper:** “So are we ready to roll, runt?"

**Sheldon:** “Just about! Do please report any malfunctions of the vests to me should they arise."

**Piper:** “Alright."

****

**Piper:** “Looks high time for Team Black Plasma to sign up and slaughter!"


	4. Deep Sea

_-The sound of cheering and music fades in, as the scene transitions back to Inkopolis Square. Night has fallen, but the scene is anything but dark.-_

**♬Color Pulse♬  
**

**Marina:** “...and we want to welcome all of Inkopolis to tonight's Splatfest!"

_-The crowd cheers.-_

**Pearl:** “Featuring special guest performances from one of Inkopolis' newest up-and-coming groups; The Bottom Feeders!"

**Marina:** “And why are they here with us tonight Pearlie?"

**Pearl:** “To help us all answer a very important question!"

_-A promo image appears on the giant screen above them.-_

**Pearl:** “Which is the better genre? Metal! or! Country!"

****Marina:**** “If you haven't already, head over to the Splatfest terminal and pick a side!"

~~~

**Joy:** “Match begins in 5, everyone in your positions.”

**Piper:** “Loud and clear Joy.”

**Piper:** “Izzy, all set?"

_-Isabella buzzes with determination.-_

**Janette:** “..."

**Janette:** “...What about me?"

**Piper:** “What, about you, huh?"

**Joy:** “Focus."

_-The lights come on over their arena; a large greenhouse. Cleverly hidden cameras monitor the battleground from above, though a match between two unranked teams gets little views.-_

**♬Splatfest - Match Opening♬  
**

**Piper:** “Three, Two...”

**♬Surf Squid Warfare♬  
**

**Piper:** “Let’s Go!”

_-Team Black Plasma launches into the fray.-_

**♪ I come to you from another time ♪  
** **♪ With a message that everyone must die ♪**

_-This first team never knew what hit them. It seemed as if Piper was around every corner at once, blasting the inklings to bits at every turn.-_

**♪ At the hand of undead squids from space ♪  
** **♪ They‘ll crush your skull and smash your face ♪**

_-This team attempts a coordinated push at the midpoint of the match, running straight into Joy and her minigun.-_

**♪ We saved the past from Vikings ♪  
** **♪ Now the future is unclear ♪** ****

**  
**

**♪ We must travel through time again ♪  
** **♪ And save the world with beer! ♪**

_-The first match ends 71.8 to 23.2-_

_-Piper celebrates, as we return to the concert in Inkopolis square.-_

**♪ We‘re class, you‘re not! ♪  
** **♪ Let‘s kill some squids and make them rot ♪**

****

**♪ With pirate powered murder skills ♪  
♪ The future‘s where we get our thrills ♪  
♪ A shot to the heart with a flintlock gun ♪  
♪ And mash their brains with a bottle of rum ♪  
♪ We‘re class, you‘re not! ♪  
**

****

_-On the screen behind the band, the splatfest team leaderboards are updating live. Black Plasma is on a small win streak, as they appear at the bottom of the city’s top 100.-_

**Piper:** “Holy shit this is easy! I was doing this crap as a toddler!”

**Joy:** “You are completely ignoring the territory control objective.”

**Piper:** “Yeah, and?”

_-The next match breaks their streak. Janette isn’t bothering to defend herself at all against an octoling hunting her specifically.-_

_-Just as he’s about to get her for the final time, Piper flanks him and splats him across the wall.-_

_-Janette and Piper lock gazes for a split second before the whistle is blown. Seeing how badly she lost, Piper throws a small tantrum and launches her gun through a window.-_

[1:44]

_-The next match is mostly Isabella harassing the other team. More than able to keep pace with the swimming squids with her super speed, she chases them in circles and doesn't get much else done.-_

_-Another loss, Piper is furious.-_

_-In the following match, she is as brutal as possible to the enemy team, effectively spawn-camping them. The match is won, the crowds are displeased.-_

_-The disrespect is quickly forgotten when in the very next match, Joy sweeps an entire team while they’re mid-air.-_

_-By now, social media throughout the city is talking about Team Black Plasma.-_

**♪ We‘re class, you‘re not! ♪  
** **♪ Let‘s kill some squids and make them rot ♪**

_-Black Plasma is rising on the Splatfest Leaderboards.-_

**♪ With pirate powered murder skills ♪  
** **♪ The future‘s where we get our thrills ♪**

_-One by one they enter matches against their neighbors in the rankings. Most of the time they win.-_

**♪ A shot to the heart with a flintlock gun ♪  
** **♪ And mash their brains with a bottle of rum ♪  
** **♪ We‘re class, you‘re not! ♪**

_-Isabella scrambles on-stage in the middle of the performance and swipes the scallop's guitar to do the song's guitar solo herself solo.-_

[3:00]

_-Black Plasma is in the top 20 teams of this fest now, This has gone from obligation to dedication. Even Janette has started trying, much to everyone’s pleasant surprise.-_

_-Joy is briefing everyone on the strategies for this map she’s been working out so far.-_

_-They get in position as the match begins.-_

****

**♪ We‘re class, you‘re not! ♪  
♪ Let‘s kill some squids and make them rot ♪  
♪ With pirate powered murder skills ♪  
♪ The future‘s where we get our thrills ♪  
♪ A shot to the heart with a flintlock gun ♪  
♪ And mash their brains with a bottle of rum ♪  
♪ We‘re class, you‘re not! ♪  
**

****

Inkopolis: "Black Plas-Ma! Black Plas-Ma! Black Plas-Ma!"

**Pearl:** “Yeah that's right! These people know how to move it out there for sure!"

_-The group has been invited onstage properly, despite Isabella's outburst.-_

**Pearl:** “Where'd you girls learn all that?"

**Piper:** “Pillaging."

**Pearl:** “Dope."

**Marina:** “The four of you have come from totally out of the blue to cause total chaos tonight! It's a pleasure to see more people from outside Inkopolis taking an interest in our events after what happened last year."

**Pearl:** “Sheesh, don't remind me..."

**Piper:** “I gotta come back here some time, you motherfuckers know how to live!"

**Piper:** "When do the snails happen again?"

**Marina:** “Rewards are given out after the Splatfest, tomorrow morning."

_-The crowd cheers slightly.-_

**Joy:** “Is that soon enough?"

**Janette:** “I don't know, but it's not comfortable. We've already wasted a lot of time here..."

**Piper:** “The two of you worry too bloody much!"

**Piper:** “This was the most actual fucking fun I've had in a long time, okay? Let me have this shit."

**Pearl:** “Hell yeah! Let's hear it again for Team Black Plasma!"

_-As the crowd roars, Pearl throws two fists into the air, and, not being used to people as tall as humans, cleanly uppercuts Piper.-_

_-Her mask gets knocked off, flying offstage. Piper herself staggers. Everyone goes dead quiet.-_

_-The cameras catch a good shot of her maskless, totally missing a face in favor of smooth, artificially pale skin. Her body language loses all confidence and is replaced with the expression of severe pain.-_

**Janette:** “Piper!"

_-She staggers to her feet, and starts stumbling off-stage in search of the mask.-_

**Janette:** “Piper you're going to hurt yourself like this!"

_-Piper limps into an alleyway off of the square, blatantly in pain, uneasy on her feet, as if desperate to get away from a predator.-_

**????:** “Here."

_-A hand offers her mask back.-_

_-With zero hesitation she rudely snatches it and clicks it back into place on her head. Systems reactivate to regulate her dizziness and pain, clearly an incredible relief from the way her body quickly relaxes.-_

****

**Piper:** “Anna?"

**Anna:** “In the flesh."

**Piper:** “Stop saying that."

**Piper:** “'The hell have you been?"

**Anna:** “Looking for our man. You know, the whole reason we came here?"

**Piper:** “...right."

**Piper:** “Fer a moment I thought ye might've run off to spend a night stalking the local morgue."

_-Anger and embarrassment flash over Anna's face, incredibly briefly.-_

**Anna:** “Look, whoever this is they're not here on the surface."

**Piper:** “The surface?"

**Anna:** “This, 'city', extends for quite a ways down and under the ocean in all directions."

**Anna:** “This top layer of it is just the upper class, anyone lower is hidden out of sight."

**Piper:** “Damn it. And to think I was starting to like these people."

**Piper:** “So we go down?"

**Anna:** “Not just yet. I believe he will be coming to us, in fact, after the attention you've drawn. I'm certain he is the same individual as Sheldon's mysterious 'partner'."

**Janette:** “Piper!"

**Piper:** “Anna I want you to kill me before she gets here."

**Janette:** “Oh good, you got your mask back on."

**Piper:** “Yeah? And you bloody care why?"

**Janette:** “I just-"

**Janette:** _-Ahem-_ "You won't be of any use on this mission if it gets damaged."

**Piper:** “Of course you still only care about that."

**Anna:** “Sheldon's partner is our target."

**Janette:** “A- are you sure about that."

**Anna:** “With time running out, It's the best lead we've got."

_-Janette nods.-_

**Janette: “Come on then, let's see if he'll talk now that we've done his work."**

****

**Piper:** “Hey crabmeat!"

**Sheldon:** “Welcome to Ammo Kni- oh! It's you!"

**Piper:** “Yes it bloody is us. We want to talk about this partner of yours..."

**Sheldon:** “You just missed him actually. But, good news, he's interested in meeting you after the stunning success of tonight's field testing!"

_-Anna adopts an expression of pure, concentrated, lethal dosage smugness. Piper doesn't even have to be looking at her for her skin to crawl.-_

**Piper:** “Fine, where is he?"

****Sheldon:**** “He's challenged you to a 1v1 match, wanting to see your skill in person."

****

**Piper:** “Alright, I can fuck with that."

**Piper:** “Lead the way."

**Piper:** “...this wasn't one of the places I've been fighting."

**Sheldon:** “It's not it the rotation for the Splatfest tonight, but he's chosen Moray Towers specifically."

_-Piper looks down over the edge and over the map.-_

**Piper:** “Someone's got a fetish for verticality."

**Sheldon:** “...you could say that, I guess."

**Sheldon:** “He's over there on the opposite tower, ready when you are."

_-Piper strains to catch a glimpse of whoever might be over there. Between the darkness of the night and the countless lights of the splatfest all around, she can't make out a thing.-_

**Piper:** “Fine."

**Piper:** “Start this thing."

**♬Splatfest - Match Opening♬  
**

_ -Piper bolts out of the spawn point. After the jingle signifying the start of a match, there is no bombastic music playing over a sound system this time, only the distant concert and traffic-heavy highway down bellow- _

_ -Knowing better than to jump off a whole building, she takes the ramps, covering as much ground as she can with her blaster, which isn't much.- _

_ -She isn't even halfway down before she hears the first shot, and ducks behind an AC unit for cover.- _

**Piper:** “Oh I get yer game."

_ -Cautiously she starts peeking around the corner. No sooner than the moment the orange of her mask be seen from the opposite tower does another shot fire. I laser thin stream of ink rockets past and Piper pulls back.- _

**Piper:** “Fuck this."

_ -Piper looks to the other edge of the walkway, crouch-springs over, and climbs down to hang over the ledge.- _

_ -With her free hand, she pulls back her coat and unsheathes her sword.- _

_ -It's laser edge lets it cut into the wall easily. She hangs from it, gets some momentum going with a swing, and lands on the metal girders beneath the arena, over the dense fog hiding the ground far below.- _

_ -She starts making her way across the underside of the stage. At one point she crosses under a gap between walkways near the center. Sure enough, a blast of enemy ink shoots down from above and only misses her be a very thing margin.- _

_ -Annoyed, she sends a blaster shot back up. Nothing happens.- _

_ _

_ -Having reached the other side, she very cautiously starts climbing her way back onto the stage, careful to make no noise that could possibly be heard over the roar of the city below.- _

_ -Back on solid ground, she looks around, there's no sign of anyone, and no ink spread anywhere.- _

?????: _ -click!- _

_ _

**♬Roswell♬  
**

**Piper:** “Ye proud of yerself? Tricking me into giving you every advantage?"

**?????:** “You would have tried to do the same thing if you had arranged this."

**Piper:** “Aye, that I would."

~~~

“Now approaching Station D10: Labyrinth Station!”

_ -Piper and Janette are seated next to each other riding a subway, with the unknown alien figure seated across from them.- _

_ -Janette breaks the silence.- _

**Janette:** “I can't believe this."

**?????:** “Can I help you?"

**Piper:** “No, you can't, noone can, she's as lost as causes come."

**?????:** “I'll keep that in mind."

...

**Janette:** “No I'm serious!"

**Piper:** “What the fuck are you so exited about?"

**Janette:** “It's Xenon!  _ The _ Captain Xenon!"

**Piper:** “What the in the waterlogged fuck makes you think I care you know him?"

**Xenon:** “I'm surprised anyone in the Protectorate still remembers me."

**Piper:** “Oh god, another one of you assholes?"

**Xenon:** “I'm Ex-Protectorate. Got kicked out for trying to do things my way."

**Piper:** “Better."

**Janette:** “Kicked out? I always heard you just disappeared. Why would we kick out-"

**Xenon:** “Ma'am please, if you're to here to press a novakid on his memory you'd better run back where you came from."

**Janette:** “But- but- where have you-"

**Xenon:** “Where have I been the last 200 years?"

**Janette:** “...20 years, sir."

-This gives Xenon some clear pause.-

**Xenon:** “Hmph, either way..."

**Xenon:** “You wouldn't believe a word of it if I tried telling ya."

**Piper:** “Try me."

_ -Before he can answer, the train starts coming to a stop.- _

“Station D10: Labyrinth Station. Please mind the gap."

**Xenon:** “Come on you two."

_ -Xenon leads them out of the metro car and into what looks a lot like the city above, but under a massive artificial dome.- _

**Piper:** “Psst. Justice Bitch."

**Janette:** “I have a name."

**Piper:** “Where'd my girls go?"

**Janette:** “I sent them back up to the ship."

**Piper:** “Oh, not worried they're gonna bolt without us?"

**Janette:** “They'd be complete idiots to try."

**Xenon:** “You should watch how you throw around the word 'idiot' on this planet nowadays, just sayin'."

**Xenon:** “Here."

-Sure enough, a spaceship strongly resembling a steam engine is parked down here, and unfolded around it is what can only be described as an open-air mad science lab.-

**Xenon:** _“Daichi!?"_

_ -Another, fish-like alien emerges from behind the back of the ship.- _

_ _

**Daichi:** “Welcome back Captain. I take it the field tests went well?"

**Xenon:** “In a sense."

**Xenon:** “Do you remember those envelopes I showed you on our way to this place a few weeks back?"

**Daichi:** “Yes."

**Daichi:** “I take it that's what they're here for?"

**Xenon:** “I reckon it is. The last obligation I'm gonna have for a long time now. Would you mind grabbing them whilst I entertain?"

_ -Daichi nods and enters the ship. Xenon turns to his guests.- _

_ -There is an awkward silence, which he seems not to mind in the slightest.- _

**Janette:** “Uh..."

**Xenon:** “So you two are who’s come to collect for Black Plasma..."

**Piper:** “I am, she ain't one of us."

**Xenon:** “I was expecting Ol' Lady Black herself, or Mindfang at least. How'd you get to be the fleet's errand girl now?"

**Piper:** “Excuse you motherfucker?"

**Piper:** “I take it you've been living under a huge ass rock if you think any of what you just said still sails."

_ -Xenon glances up.- _

**Xenon:** “...in a very literal sense I guess I do."

**Xenon:** “Something happen’ to Black Plasma since last I checked?"

**Piper:** “Gah!"

**Piper:** “Some fucking outlaw you are. I should count myself lucky given that you might have been yet another cunt coming to collect on debts with Lady Black."

**Xenon:** “I ain't got nothing she owes me, and I sure as shit don't want to start owing anyone anything."

_ -Daichi returns with the invites. Four black envelopes addressed to "Black Plasma" and emblazoned with the symbol of the League of Dastardly Doom.- _

**Xenon:** “Here. Take 'em and leave me be would ya? Before someone does something someone regrets."

_ -Piper snatches the envelopes from Daichi and turns to leave.- _

**Piper:** “Come on Janette. This guy's more lost at sea than you are."

**Janette:** “Wait! Captain Xenon I-"

**Xenon:** “Stop calling me that. I ain't no captain anymore."

**Xenon:** “Its better you and the rest of the Protectorate forget about me for good..."

**Janette:** “No, Xenon. This is no place for the novakid that killed The Ruin."

**Piper:** “He what?"

**Janette:** “I don't know where you've been the last two decades but whatever you're doing down here is no way for you to be living."

**Xenon:** “..."

**Xenon:** “Who are you?"

**Janette:** “Commander Janette Callahan, Head of the New Age Terrene Peacekeeping Division."

**Xenon:** “Are you? What happened to Noble?"

**Janette:** “Stepped down when he recognized my talent, preferred field work anyway."

**Xenon:** “He would..."

**Xenon:** “Tell me, Ms Callahan, how often do you get out? How confident can you be that you know what's going on out there under your nose?"

**Xenon:** “I've been missing for a damn good reason."

**Piper:** “Like I said motherfucker, try me."

_ -He looks between the two of them for a moment.- _

**Xenon:** “Our very universe is coming undone at the seams."

**Piper:** “And how the fuck would you know something like that?"

**Xenon:** “You just god damn do, alright? It's not an easy thing to explain, most people check out the moment you bring it up."

**Xenon:** “But if you had seen the things I have, you'd just know."

**Janette:** “Seen what you have?"

**Xenon:** “The multiverse. I vanished because I met someone who showed me just how small and isolated a lone universe could really be."

**Xenon:** “But now that we're here back here, we're trapped for good as this one comes down on top of us."

**Piper:** “You've bloody lost it down here!"

**Xenon:** “You did say 'try me'."

**Piper:** “Yeah with the truth, dipshit!"

**Xenon:** “If you think I'm crazy, then like I said, take your invitations and fuck off."

**Xenon:** “I'm done trying to sucker up to people only to get nothing in return anyway. If noone's going to help me actually save this damn world that's their loss."

**Janette:** “It sounds like something's happened to you rather recently along these lines."

**Xenon:** “Leave."

**Piper:** “Fine."

_ -Piper doesn't even wait for Janette this time. She disappears back the way they came.- _

_ -Janette moves to follow, but, stops herself short of disappearing around a corner.- _

**Janette:** “...Xenon, sir?"

_ -He does not acknowledge her.- _

**Janette:** “If you're so insistent on being left alone down here, why bother to ‘save the world’ anyway?”

**Xenon:** “...It ain’t never been black and white like that kid.”

**Janette:** “But-”

**Xenon:** “Don’t ever assume you got the whole story. Now go."

_ -Janette hesitates another moment, but then leaves to follow Piper.- _

**Xenon:** “..."

**Daichi:** “...captain?"

**Xenon:** “We should call it a night."

**Xenon:** “...I need to think about some things, now that I'm done with what I came here for in the first place."

**Daichi:** “Yes sir."

~~~

**Piper:** “THE NERVE OF THAT BASTARD!"

**Anna:** “I take it there were complications?"

**Piper:** “Huh?"

**Piper:** "Oh, no, just some headbuttin'."

**Anna:** "As always, with you."

**Piper:** "There ye are."

**Janette:** "Sorry, I had to get the last word in."

**Piper:** "Don't bloody apologize to me, that cunt could use a lesson or two!"

**Janette:** "He's nothing like I always heard he was."

**Piper:** "They never are lass."

**Joy:** "Did you actually get the invitations?"

**Piper:** "Aye, at least he was straightforward. Four invitations to the ball for Black Plasma."

**Janette:** "Wait. Four?"

**Piper:** "Yeah, there's four o' us."

**Janette:** "Not including me there isn't!"

**Piper:** "If I had a say it wouldn't be including you anyway."

**Janette:** "Whatever. One of you will probably have to stay on the ship."

**Anna:** "May I nominate myself?"

**Piper:** "Do you ever want to do anything Anna?"

**Joy:** "As our only pilot, it should be me."

**Janette:** "Agreed."

**Janette:** "Joy, please contact Lana."

_ -Joy nods and returns her attention to the ship's controls.- _

_ -Lana answers, her video feed appearing overplayed on the bridge's view.- _

**Lana:** "Commander Janette. I take it this first part of the mission has been finished?"

**Lana:** “Were you successful in acquiring the invitations?”

**Janette:** “Yes we-”

_ -Piper sidesteps in and leans heavily on Janette’s shoulder, interrupting her.- _

**Piper:** “Four sleek black envelopes to The Baron’s little Bablovian shindig locked and loaded, your grand protectyness.”

**Lana:** “Excellent, then we can move onto the next phase.”

**Janette:** “We’ll set course for Bablovia asap.”

**Piper:** “Now hold on a moment.”

**Janette:** “What?”

**Piper:** “You really think it’s a good idea to sail right up to Baron von Count’s doorstep proudly flying a protectorate flag?”

**Piper:** “This is meant to be an undercover mission ain’t it?”

**Lana:** “She’s right, it would be best to arrive in an unmarked spacecraft.”

**Piper:** “It would be best for the crew of the Starship Black Plasma to arrive in the goddamn Starship Black Plasma.”

**Janette:** _“Fiiiiine…”_

**Lana:** “We should arrange a rendezvous point for you five to change ships then.”

**Piper:** “Where are ye bastards keeping it, San Crispin?”

**Janette:** “Yes, so we should probably choose somewhere in the Imagisphere then, since it’s on the way.”

**Piper:** “The Space Bass.”

**Janette:** “No.”

**Piper:** “Why not? That’s neutral territory, controlled by the Craftworld Alliance.”

**Lana:** “Doing the swap there would raise the least red flags over pirate and Protectorate ships occupying the same local area without raising a fuss.”

**Piper:** “Exactly.”

**Janette:** “Why couldn’t a single stop on this mission be somewhere I actually want to go…”

**Piper:** “Because you don't want to fucking go anywhere. It's like yer anti-fun."

**Lana:** “I will contact DaVinci to inform him a Protectorate convoy will be moving through the area.”

**Janette:** “Wont a convoy stopping there draw attention?"

**Piper:** “Feign needing ta refuel and then drop us the payload. We do it all the time."

_ -Lana nods in agreement.- _

**Lana:** “Janette, meet up with our secondary informant at The Space Bass at your earliest convenience, and await the convoy’s arrival.”

**Janette:** _-begrudgingly-_ “Understood.”

_ -With that, Lana ends the video call. Janette turns to Piper with a scowl.- _

__

**Piper:** “Well that went well.”

**Janette:** “Do you mind?”

**Piper:** “Mind the fuck what?”

**Janette:** “I am perfectly capable of speaking with my superiors organizing this mission myself.”

**Piper:** “Oh are you?”

**Janette:** “Yes! I don’t need someone like you butting in and making judgement calls on my behalf, embarrassing me in front of the Grand Protector herself like that!”

**Piper:** “Oh I’m so sorry I seem to be better at your job than you.”

**Janette:** “YOU-”

**Janette:** “I-”

**Janette:** “GAAHHHHHHH!!!”

_ -Janette storms off.- _

**Piper:** “Yeah piss off why don't you"

_ -There is a silence on the bridge for a few seconds.- _

_ -...and then Janette comes bursting back into the room.- _

**Janette:** "Joy take us back to the nearest galaxy hub ready to teleport to the Space Bass."

**Joy:** "Understood."

**Piper:** "Pop goes the protectorate."

**Janette:** "Shut it."

**Janette:** "I don't know where you get off making this entire journey a living hell for me but I'm not going to take your shit sitting down."

**Piper:** "Oh _ I'm  _ the one making this difficult."

**Anna:** "If I may-"

**Janette:** "No."

_ -Isabella puts herself between the two captains, pushing them apart with a pouty expression.- _

_ -Janette almost snarls at her, but takes a deep breath.- _

_ -Piper pulls away and sits herself in a chair.- _

**Piper:** "I don't know how else to say this, lass, but you are in dire need of learning to relax."

**Piper:** "And that's coming from someone on record as being one of the most violent and dangerous people to ever sail."

**Janette:** "You really like thinking about yourself like that huh? Irredeemably evil?"

**Piper:** "We literally just set off for the biggest and baddest club in the universe and ye'r _pissed_ about it."

**Piper:** “Remind me to buy you a drink when we get there."

_ -Janette, against all odds, finally seems to give up. She flops down in another chair and buries her head in her hands.- _

**Janette:** "How did I end up in this mess. All because I'm trying to save the world..."

**Piper:** "Hey, that sounds a lot like what Xenon was saying!"

_ -Janette groans.- _

**Piper:** "Would some music help? I know there'll be a lot when we get there, but..."

**Janette:** "Actually? yes."

_ -Piper snaps. Within a second Isabella has brought her a guitar.- _

**Janette:** "Oh by the King of All Cosmos."

**Piper:** "There once was a-"

_ -Piper strums, it is horribly off key.- _

**Piper:** "Fuck."

_ -She tries a few more times. It's like she's never held a guitar in her life.- _

**Piper:** "Isabella did you-"

_ -She shakes her head no.- _

**Piper:** "Oh fuck it, my head is starting to hurt again anyway."

**Piper:** "Oh, wait."

**Piper:** "You don't think..."

**Joy:** "It's a very real possibility."

_ -Now it's Piper's turn to look utterly defeated and hopeless.- _

**Janette:** "According to Doctor Sujal you-"

**Piper:** "You fucking Protectorare are hellbent on taking everything form me aren't you?"

**Piper:** "My family, my fleet, my life, my death, now what little identity I still have."

_ -Piper stands up and starts leaving.- _

**Piper:** "Joy, don't let anyone bother me until we're at the hub."

**Joy:** "Understood."

_ -The door shuts behind her.- _

**Janette:** "...What was that?"

**Janette:** "...Anyone?"

**Joy:** "Personal demons. Leave her be."

**Janette:** "But-"

**Joy:** "Did it ever occur to you that she has very good reason to hate the Protectorate?"

**Joy:** "We all do, really. She just has the most trouble putting it aside."

**Janette:** "I don't understand. The Protect-"

**Joy:** "You could at least try."

_ -Exhausted of steam again, Janette just turns to face out the window as the ship shoots through the Milky Way.- _

_ -She contemplates her reflection, and the logo across the chest of her full-body uniform.- _

__

_ -The camera slowly zooms, as it transitions from the one on her chest to the one on the side of their ship.- _

_ _


	5. The Space Bass

__

Deep Space, The Imagisphere

March 18th, 2019

**Janette:** “I always forget how different it looks here."

**Piper:** “I always forget how different the rest of it looks from San Crispin."

**Piper:** “Shame we were never very active here, quite the view."

**Joy:** “Docking with the Space Bass now."

**Capt. Sirius:** “Hey hey, it looks like the Space Bass is getting all kinds of visitors today!"

**Capt. Sirius:** “All kinds are welcome aboard the grooviest space cruise among the stars. I'm your host, Captain Sirius Oculus, and I say welcome aboard."

**Capt. Sirius:** "Not just to our lucky in-person guests, but to all you funky cats nodding your heads along back down on whatever you call terra firma."

**Capt. Sirius:** "No matter where out there you're listening from, you got it tuned to the right place. Sit back and enjoy."

**♬The Space Bass♬**  


_-If you've never been on board the Space Bass, it's almost impossible to describe. A gigantic hybrid of dance club, mall, and casino, all the size of an entire city.-_

_-All with an interstellar disco flare. One of the most high-traffic places in the universe, people come from all over for any and all indulgences imaginable.-_

_-A giant robot floats over the crowds with a jetpack.-_

**Capt. Sirius:** "How's it groovin' y'all?"

**Capt. Sirius:** "The funk waves are in sync, tonight's going to be something really special. Go with the flow and just deep space chill."

**Piper:** “Hey anyone ever noticed that guy’s just a fucking cardboard cutout, or is that the brain damage talking?”

**Joy:** "Everyone focus. We're here looking for a contact that'll fill us in on what we're doing once we're to Bablovia."

**Janette:** "Just because we're ahead of schedule a bit doesn't mean we can-"

**Piper:** “Ahead of schedule?"

**Janette:** "Yeah, Joy made good time-"

**Piper:** _"Perfect"_

**Piper:** "Come on!"

_-Before she can protest, Piper grabs Janette and starts pulling her away through the crowd. Isabella scampers along after them.-_

**-** _Not exactly watching where she's going, Piper runs right into someone with their back turned to her.-_

**Piper:** "Wh- hey clear the blockade motherfucker, coming through!"

_-The man turns around, unspilled drink in hand.-_

**????:** "Sorry about tha- heeey, nice mask you got there."

**Piper:** "Yeah? What of it?"

**Janette:** "Piper we have only been here five minutes please don't pick a fight here."

**Jack:** "Nah, it's alright. I usually get on a better foot with people."

**Jack:** "Maybe we can start over, in case you were interested."

**Piper:** "I wasn't."

**Jack:** "Fair enough, there are a lot of fish in the sea. Catfish, carp, bluefish, eels, dolphins, you know."

**Jack:** "But hey, if you change your mind, I'll always be at your service."

_-He gives her a little salute before walking off.-_

__

**Piper:** "...creep."

~~~

**Joy:** "You've been quiet thus far."

**Anna:** "I'm still pretty far out of my element."

**Joy:** "Reasonable, you are not exactly the social type."

**Anna:** "These places are so loud, so bright and colorful, so..."

**Anna:** "...alive."

**Anna:** "The sooner we're done with this crazy job the better. Just be done with owing people anything."

**Joy:** "In a way I agree."

_-Anna suddenly looks alert.-_

**Anna:** "Hold on..."

**Joy:** "What is it?"

**Anna:** "...Undead."

**Joy:** "Here, in such a crowded, public setting?"

**Anna:** "My thoughts exactly. Come on."

_-The two of them pick up the pace through the casino floor.-_

_~~~_

**Capt. Sirius:** "Now the Space bass doesn't just cater to the ears, boys and girls. Tonight we got something special; grooviness only the eyes can take in."

**Capt. Sirius:** "Turn your sensors to center stage, as we're about to see some of the funkiest footwork laid down over this next track."

**Piper:** "This guy is really starting to bother me."

**Janette:** "I thought you liked it here?"

**Piper:** "I've only ever been here once or twice before. But I don't know. This one feels, different..."

**Piper:** "Like I'm too on-edge."

**Janette:** "I'm interested to actually see who's here to perform, honestly."

**Piper:** "Are ye?"

**Janette:** "I harbor and appreciation for athletic pursuits, you could say."

**Piper:** "What the fuck does mean."

_-The current music fades out as it ends, and the lights go dim.-_

**Capt. Sirius:** "Coming up on the Space Bass stage, the dance floor's about to get electric!"

**Capt. Sirius:** "And that ain't just a phrase folks, you gotta see these cats cut it because it's your pick of the winner!"

**Capt. Sirius:** "Hit it!"

_ -A new track starts playing as Sirius announces the first contestant.- _

**♬Grand Theft Ecstasy♬**  


**Capt. Sirius:** "Our 1st mover and groover says she's come from down on Planet Earth, been all over the universe, and competed in competitions everywhere. Please welcome the two-time DDR tournament champion and one-time UKSRT Champion..."

**Capt. Sirius:** "Laer Ichor!"

_ -A blonde-haired girl walks out with a smile, and waves to the crowd.- _

**Piper:** "...yeah no I'm good thanks."

_ -Piper starts dragging Janette way again, before the dancing even starts.- _

**Janette:** "Woah hey, no, I actually want to-"

_ -Piper and Isabella both take a seat at a bar.- _

**Piper:** "Now this is my style."

**Janette:** _-Still looking backwards.-_ "Well I can kind of see it from here..."

_ -Janette takes a seat, keeping her eyes on the performance. It almost looks like this girl's dance is being totally figured out in the moment, yet perfectly planned at the same time.- _

_ -Piper flags down a barkeeper.- _

**Barkeeper:** "Yes?"

**Piper:** "Hey buddy. Let me get a glass of ammonia for the little one, and two Pan Galactic Gar-"

_ -She's interrupted by Isabella.- _

**Piper:** "What?"

_ -Isabella gestures to her mouth.- _

**Piper:** "..."

**Piper:** "...oh."

**Piper:** "Just the one."

_ -The barkeeper nods and gets to work.- _

_ -The dancer finishes her performance.- _

**Capt. Sirius:** "That was stunning, Laer. Had me spacing out."

**Capt. Sirius:** "But look out, coming out on the floor next, its the up and coming trio all the way from Andromeda!"

**Capt. Sirius:** "Give it up for Howard, Popoy, and Marcianito!!!"

_ -A trio of aliens take Laer's place onstage.-_ _

**♬Nunca Me Das Cositas♬**  


_-The crowd goes wild as they begin. Janette, from what little she can see, is mesmorized.-__

**Janette:** "Wow."

**Piper:** "Speak to me girl, we're losing you."

**Janette:** "...maybe I should take up dancing."

_ -Piper bursts out laughing.- _

**Piper:** "Having second thoughts about ye career just like that?"

**Janette:** "What? No I-"

**Piper:** "It'd be better than selling your soul away to these hacks."

_ -Piper presses Isabella's empty glass to the symbol on Janette's chest.- _

**Piper:** "Drink the drink, the dude came back like five minutes ago. I would have taken it from ya if I could."

**Janette:** "Huh? Oh."

_ -Janette takes the drink in her hand absentmindedly while watching the nest dancer start.- _

_ -Sip.- _

**Janette:** **"AGH!!!"**

_ -Janette falls off her stool, Piper laughs even harder.- _

**Piper:** "Fucking. Classic."

**Janette:** _**"PIPER!!!"** _

~~~

_ -Back out in the casino area, we return to the man that bumped into Piper. Someone else approaches him.- _

**?:** "Excuse me sir. I'm looking for a certain pair of women who came through ‘ere moments ago..."

**Jack:** "You got to be more specific, I meet a lot of- wait... you mean the one with the mask?"

**?:** "Yes. One with a bright mask, ze other a protectorate with a superiority complex?"

**Jack:** "Yeah, I think they went to see that dancing competition. You ever seen that one Howard guy? Crazy stuff."

**?:** "Thankyou monsieur. Take care now."

_ -The mysterious stranger walks past, handing Jack a business card as he does.- _

**Jack:** _-under his breath-_ "Let's hope his card doesn't say he's a murderous psychopath."

_ -The card is completely blank, save for this symbol.- _

**Jack:** "Well, that narrows it down..."

**Jack:** "The Doc would've been able to clock them, I bet."

~~~

**Joy:** "Where are we going?"

**Anna:** "I'm just following the sense..."

_ -Anna suddenly stops.- _

**Anna:** "Look."

_ -She points through the crowd. Hovering lazily away over the masses is what looks like a floating chair made out of junkyard scrap.- _

**Joy:** "I'm intrigued. But I don't get it."

**Anna:** "You didn't see who was in it?"

**Joy:** "It's back was to us. If anyone's in there they can't be any bigger than a child."

**Joy:** "Why?"

**Anna:** "The taste of death hangs in the air where it goes, but not the mana."

**Anna:** "Zombies without magic."

**Joy:** "Shall I call the others?"

**Anna:** "Not quite yet. I want to be completely sure of it myself first."

~~~

**Piper:** "Are you back with us yet?"

**Janette:** "F-fuck you."

**Janette:** "Holy fu-shit."

**Piper:** "Ha! Ye're starting to sound like me, lass."

**?:** "Am I interrupting something?"

_ -Isabella notices the man who's come up to them and shrinks back.- _

_ _

**Piper:** "Ah, now this looks like a man I can trust."

**Piper:** "What'da want, Mr. Tall and Dark."

**Janette:** “I- he is..."

**?:** "Janette, you've looked better."

**Janette:** “Piper this guy, this guy's the, the informant."

**Janette:** “The b- best, informant."

**Piper:** “Okay, you're still wasted lass."

**Janette:** “Eh- X."

**Janette:** “X."

**Piper:** “Isabella?"

_ -Isabella grabs Janette by the shoulders and electrocutes her.- _

**Janette:** “I'M AWAKE."

**X:** "Aw. Put her back. I've never gotten to see her in such a vulnerable state before."

**Janette:** _-Ahem.-_

**Janette:** "Piper. This is, X. He’s the, the Baby-lovia guy."

**Janette:** "Tells us everything there.”

**X:** "A pleasure."

**Piper:** "Yeah, I think I recognize you now."

**Piper:** "Any thorn in Baron von Count's side is a friend of mine."

**Piper:** "What do ye got for us?"

**X:** "My qualifications are as extensive as my equipment, my dear. I'm the universe's best infiltrator, I can speak over 5,000 languages from across 6 galaxies, I-"

**Piper:** "About our mission to stop the Baron, jackass."

**Piper:** "I don't care how much time you wasted on something every last asshole to ever leave their planet just has a babel fish for."

**X:** "Fine."

**X:** "Zhe Baron is proceeding with his plans. He has no idea ze four of you have gone missing and doesn't seem to have noticed he never got the shipment you were bringing him."

**X:** "And there's been absolutely no sign of Marry O'Kill whatsoever."

**Piper:** “I love it."

**Janette:** “R- really? Not even a little?”

**Janette:** “That has, concerned me."

**X:** "None, but if she turns up, you will be the first to know. The Agents of S.N.E.A.K know every last thing happening on every corner of Bablovia."

**Piper:** “But wouldn't that mean you all would know before we-"

**X:** "Additionally, I am to accompany you back there."

**Piper:** "Excuse me?"

**X:** "You have nothing to worry about my dear. I excel at being unnoticed."

_ -The giant claw on his arm slides off and clanks on the ground louder than the music.- _

**Piper:** "...right."

**Capt. Sirius:** "Alright alright, and for our last performance of the night..."

**Capt. Sirius:** "You remember earlier when I said we'd be seeing something electrifying!? Well here's the man I was talking about!"

**Capt. Sirius:** "Clear some room for the Space Bass's newest dancing face, the charged up Electric Boogaloo!"

**Janette:** "Now  _ that's _ a look."

**Piper:** "Ay! Janette, focus girl!"

**Piper:** "Joy's trying to get your attention."

**Janette:** "Huh?"

_ -Janette accepts a call on her visor.- _

**Janette:** "Joy? report."

**Joy:** "Anna and I have found something you'll want to see. Bring the spy."

**Piper:** "Wow even they know you're here X."

**Janette:** "We'll be right there."

~~~

_ -Not all of the Space Bass is so glamorous. Somewhere, down in the lower levels of the station, almost certainly somewhere meant to be "Employees Only"...- _

**?????:** "...you must be insane to think I'll give up my post in Nightmare just for some silly game."

**???????:** "I've already told you, your Brother will be there!"

_ -A robotic appendage with a glass eye at the end pokes its way out of a vent.- _

_ _

_ _

**Zomboss:** "It will be a golden opportunity for you to move in for the attack while he's distracted."

**?????:** "Hmph."

_   
_

**Reala:** "You're absolutely sure Nightopia will be unguarded?"

**???????:** "Reala..."

_ -A dark vision swirls around them. The metals walls of the corridor melt away into a distant storm of darkness.- _

**Zomboss:** "What? What is happening?"

_   
_

**????????:** "I have listened to the terms of this arrangement through you. It would be foolish to refuse..."

**Reala:** "Master Wizeman, I-"

**Wizeman:** "SILENCE!"

**Wizeman:** "Your terms are accepted, Zomboss. Reala will participate in your game."

**Reala:** _-hmph-_

**Zomboss:** "Excellent! I'm glad we could reach an agreement!"

_ -The dark vision fades, they are returned to the bowls of the Space Bass.- _

**Zomboss:** "And so not only are you a step closer you concurring your silly Nightopia, but I am all the closer to complete domination OF ALL LIFE ON EARTH!!!!"

_ -Dramatic sting.- _

_   
_

**??????????:** "...and I, the rest of the Solar System!"

_   
_

_ -Even dramatic-ier sting!- _

**Zomboss:** "Hm? Oh yes, yes. Whatever."

**Zomboss:** "Why do you want the rest of it anyway?"

_ -There is indeed someone incredibly small in that chair from earlier.- _

_   
_

**Gigantacus:** "Because all the other planets have never had any life on them to begin with!"

**Zomboss:** "I- hmm..."

**Zomboss:** "You have a point. We may need to renegotiate this."

**Zomboss:** "You there does-"

_ -Zomboss turns to find Reala is already long gone.- _

_ -The robotic eye retracts, making a lot of metallic noise as it goes.- _

**Zomboss:** "Huh? Is somebody there!?"

**X:** "Uh. No?"

...

**Zomboss:** "Hmph. Alright."

**Zomboss:** "Come on you, let's get back already. These aliens are starting to creep me out.

**Piper:** "I can't fucking believe that worked."

**X:** "I told you I was the best at what I do."

**Joy:** "You're sure they're undead?"

**Anna:** "Absolutely. And absolutely not magical in the slightest."

**Piper:** "Maybe it's Janette's oil?"

**Janette:** "No, the oil doesn't look anything like that."

**Janette:** "I think I know who that might have been. X, you were recording, right?"

**X:** "Of course."

**Janette:** "Give me the files. I'll make sure they get to the right people down on New Earth."

**Janette:** "We might have just captured some dire evidence."

**Joy:** "In the meantime, our ship is ready."

~~~

_ -The group exits out into a hangar. Without many other ships filling the space at the moment, the Starship Black Plasma stands in clear view.- _

**Piper:** "Oh, dear sweet ship. I thought I'd never see you again!"

_ -It’s ramp lowers, and out steps Grand Protector Lana to greet the pirates.- _

**Lana:** "You will find all your belongings untouched."

**Piper:** "Really? Didn't confiscate a damn thing? I find that hard to believe."

_ -...And following shortly behind her, comes Warden Crumb.- _

**Crumb:** “I tried to insist she did. There's no telling what you have in there."

**Lana:** "For the sake of maintaining what trust we can..."

**Crumb:** "Trust... For these lowlifes..."

_ -Crumb starts wandering off.- _

**Crumb:** "What has the Terrene Protectorate become..."

__   


**Piper:** "God I fucking hate that guy."

**Lana:** "Piper?"

**Piper:** "Don't give me that, Grand Hairy Ass."

_ -Piper walks away from Lana towards the Black Plasma.- _

_ -Janette replaces her.- _

**Lana:** "I see you've had little luck getting her to come around."

**Janette:** "Actually, I think I am starting to touch upon something..."

**Lana:** "Oh?"

**Lana:** "And what would that be?"

**Janette:** "I- don't know."

**Janette:** "She's not exactly made any of this easy."

_ -Lana is silent for a moment.- _

**Lana:** "She's one of the most dangerous people known to the Terrene Protectorate."

**Lana:** "At least, after what happened to the rest of her fleet."

**Janette:** "Yeah, her fleet..."

**Janette:** "I keep hearing about the great Black Plasma pirate fleet in passing. They really don't want to talk about it, at least not with me."

**Lana:** "Once lead by some of the worst... Taught by some of the worst."

**Lana:** "Janette, are you really sure you can tame this beast? And put Black Plasma in the past for good?"

**Janette** : "I have to."

_ -Lana nods.- _

**Lana:** "Don't disappoint me now. Make for Bablovia and put an end to the Baron, the oil, and Black Plasma in one fell swoop."

_ -Janette steels herself.- _

_ -She marches up to the Black Plasma itself, and is one step from the boarding ramp when an arm stops her.- _

**Joy:** "I want to be very clear with you."

**Joy:** "On a Protectorate ship, we let you be in charge."

**Joy:** "Maybe you got to bark orders your ship... But I fly the Starship Black Plasma."

**Joy:** "I have rules on my ship. I do not have the time to tell you them. You are only welcome on board for as long as it takes to complete this mission."

**Joy:** "Am I clear love?"

_ -Janette clearly hesitates.- _

**Janette:** "Yes Captain."

_ -Joy nods and somewhat slowly puts her arm down.- _

**Piper:** "'Yes Captain'. Good lord aren't you eager to just get bossed around..."

_ -Piper is standing at the top of the boarding ramp.- _

**Janette:** "I- what?"

_ -Joy laughs- _

**Piper:** "Am I right though?"

**Janette:** "Honestly it's like you're all trying to make me bitter."

**Joy:** "You're the one that wanted to go undercover with pirates."


	6. Amonkhet, Part 1

**Piper:** "...and down here, personal quarters."

 **Janette:** "I see."

_-Despite only Janette needing to be shown around, the entire group is following along.-_

**Janette:** "There wouldn't be a spare, would there?"

 **Piper:** "Uh..."

 **Piper:** "We have a brig."

 **Janette:** "Oh come on."

 **Piper:** "Does anyone want to room with Janette?"

_-Anna and Joy say nothing, Isabella excitedly raises a hand and starts jumping for attention.-_

**Piper:** "Sold to the little girl in red."

_-Isabella motions for Janette to follow her, and literally bolts down to where her room is.-_

_-She, Janette, and Piper enter a room decorated primarily in white and orange, with long stretches of colorful fabric stuffed into every corner and hanging from every inch of wall and ceiling. A number of makeshift toys litter the ground, while other items, such as books and weapons, are neatly organized on randomly placed shelves.-_

**Janette:** "Huh. Avali?"

 **Piper:** "She likes the look."

 **Janette:** "But she's clearly fae."

 **Piper:** "Yeah no shit."

_-Piper follows Janette into the room.-_

**Piper:** "It's a bit cramped, this wasn't originally part of the living quarters, but she seems eager to share."

 **Janette:** "...thank you."

 **Piper:** "Ah, humility! I dare say it's a good look on you!"

_-Both of them chuckle.-_

**Anna:** "Cute."

 **Piper:** "Oh you're here too? Is it a party in Izzy's room?"

 **Anna:** "Just coming by to say Joy's getting us in flight right now. That's all."

 **Piper:** "And X?"

 **Anna:** "Went to the engine room and hasn't been seen since."

 **Piper:** "Gee, that puts a mate at ease."

 **Janette:** "He'll be fine. He's been working with the Protectorate without issue for several years."

 **Piper:** "Yeah, but as of right now, we ain't officially Protectorate."

 **Piper:** "Speaking of, we may want to find ye a disguise."

_-Janette remembers she's still in her uniform. Decorated as a Protector from head-to-toe.-_

**Janette:** "Oh fuck."

 **Janette:** "No, that's fine..."

 **Piper:** "No it's not, you'll give us away the moment we touch down at the Baron's place."

 **Janette:** "No, really, it's-"

 **Piper:** "Ah. Got something to hide, don’cha?"

__

**Janette:** "Oh and what would you know about that?"

 **Piper:** "As of recently? Quite a bit."

 **Piper:** "I saw the pictures they got of me back in Inkopolis. I can't say I'm as beautiful as I used to be..."

**Piper:** "ugh..."

 **Piper:** "Nevermind."

 **Piper:** "I don't know why I'm still fucking trying."

...

_-Janette glances at Isabella, she tilts her head in curiosity.-_

**Janette:** "...I used to be a Boxer."

 **Piper:** "Excuse me?"

 **Janette:** "On the Milky Way circuit no less. They called me ‘The Gemhand'."

 **Piper:** "A galactic circuit is pretty big, lass, how’s I know you aren't full of shit?"

_-With a sigh, Janette removes a glove.-_

_-Metal. Janette continues to pull back her sleeve and reveal an entirely cybernetic left arm, not unlike Joy's.-_

**Janette:** "Pushed myself too hard, destroyed myself before any opponent got the chance."

 **Janette:** "Of course they could rebuild it, but enhancements like these aren't allowed on the circuit. That career was over."

 **Piper:** "Ah…

 **Piper:** "No wonder you never take that stuff off."

 **Piper:** "So after that, you went to the Protectorate."

 **Piper:** "You went straight from boxing up to blowing up planets for kicks."

_-Janette is taken completely off guard.-_

**Janette:** "Excuse you!?"

 **Anna:** "Oh this will be good."

 **Piper:** "Fuck off Anna."

 **Janette:** “Since when do you know this?”

 **Piper:** “Uh, I plead the 5th.”

 **Janette:** “We aren’t on New Earth.”

 **Piper:** “Invoke the 3rd.”

 **Janette:** “...or Letheia.”

 **Piper:** “Where the fuck are we again?”

 **Anna:** "Intergalactic space as of 30 seconds ago.”

 **Piper:** “Oh I can just shoot her then.”

 **Janette:** “No!”

 **Anna:** "Don't shoot her."

 **Piper:** _“But I don’t like her!”_

 **Anna:** "You don't like anyone."

 **Piper:** “Damn right, you included ya creepy broad.”

 **Piper:** “If there’s anyone here with even a small chance I like them it’s Isabella.”

_-Isabella quietly celebrates in the background.-_

**Janette:** "No, I'm sorry, let's get back to the part where you accuse me of demolishing planets for kicks!?"

 **Piper:** "You and the rest of you fuckers."

 **Piper:** "You're the head of the peacekeepers ain't ya? It was you who woulda had the final word on Amonkhet!"

 **Piper:** "That blood is on your hands more than anyone else's!"

 **Janette:** "What blood? The planet was evacuated!"

**Piper:** "You-"

**Piper:** "You _bitch."_

 **Piper:** "What a sad, sad, existence not even know when an entire genocide is your fault."

 **Janette:** "What are you talking about?"

_-Piper fumes for a brief moment, as if steeling herself for a fight.-_

**Piper:** "...Anna? Leave."

 **Anna:** "Are you sure-"

 **Piper:** "Leave."

_-Anna ducks out, and shuts the door behind her.-_

_-Once Piper's sure she's gone, She looks Janette dead in the eyes.-_

**Piper:** “Fuck you.”

 **Janette:** “Is that all?”

 **Piper:** “Oh it’s all you deserve. And you should consider yourself privileged that it’s all you get, because I’m not playing any damn character anymore.”

 **Piper:** “This ain’t the ‘fuck you’ of an over-the-top pirate persona with a heavy Scottish accent handing out slurs like Halloween candy. This is from a killer.”

 **Piper:** “A cold, brutal killer who spent her entire life eager for the next time she gets to slit a throat, break a spine, and see an entire full ship of bad, bad people go down in flames.”

 **Piper:** “But that’s the thing. Every life I took was the life of someone at least an accessory in atrocities far worse than my own, and I relished in it knowing that every ounce of pain they caused the world I did my best to pay back in full.”

 **Piper:** “But _you,_ you still have the _gall_ to think you’re better. Just because you sit on the other side of the law, wear that gaudy logo, and sit through all the bureaucratic bullshit to do it, you think what you’ve done is right.”

 **Piper:** “You. Killed. Planets. Men, Women, Children, Guilty and Innocent, entire _planets,_ Janette. You’re a monster.”

 **Piper:** “There’s far far more blood on your hands now than will ever be on mine.”

 **Piper:** “Fuck you.”

_-Janette sits in stunned silence for a moment.-_

**Janette:** "What, _happened_ to you?"

 **Piper:** “Like you care."

 **Janette:** "I do, because I'm asking. You can't accuse me of not knowing what I've done and then refuse to tell me your side of the story."

 **Piper:** “..."

_-It's Piper's turn to glance at Isabella. She doesn't look innocently childish right now like she usually does. She looks resolute.-_

**Piper:** “Fine."

 **Piper:** “Do you still have access to that corrupted file on Isabella?"

 **Janette** : “I don't see how-"

 **Piper:** “Do you. Still have it?"

 **Janette:** "Y- yes."

 **Piper:** "Pull it up."

_-Janette does so. Sure enough, when the contents of Isabella's criminal record load up on her visor, they're entirely unreadable.-_

**Janette:** "I still don't get it."

_-Piper and Isabella acknowledge each other one more brief time, and then Piper speaks as if she half expects to be interrupted.-_

**Piper:** “My name is Isabella."

_-The file on Janette's visor updates.-_

"Isabella "The Piper" Valentine, Serial #: 6V9_ygNhFcA" 

"Third in Command aboard the Black Plasma Pirate Fleet." 

**Janette:** "Wh-"

 **Isabella:** "Stealing a name. Oldest trick in the book, a'least for her."

_-The nameless fae in the corner looks very proud of herself.-_

__

**Isabella:** "I'm actually amazed our little gambit's been working so well! One little fairy and every single mention of me in all the Protectorate's files goes haywire, and the Protectorate knows nothing about who we once were."

_-Janette skims back and forth over the file in disbelief.-_

_-Eventually she decides she's just going to hear it all in person, closes the file, and removes her visor.-_

_-She takes a deep breath.-_

**Janette:** "I knew that wasn't your real name."

 **Isabella:** "Hardly a name at all!"

 **Isabella:** "I used to be just the best god damn bard a flagship could ever have, on top of being third to Lady Black herself."

**Isabella:** _-Sigh.-_

 **Isabella:** "Well all good things come to an end sooner or later don't they..."

 **Isabella:** "When it happened, I decided I couldn't let history show the whole damn fleet came to such a sudden and pathetic end."

 **Janette:** "Okay, start at the beginning."

 **Janette:** "What happened to you?"

 **Isabella:** "We were once contenders for the largest nomadic fleet in the known universe."

 **Isabella:** “The Black Plasma fleet was several hundred ships, the original Starship Black Plasma itself being a titan class for cultivator’s sake.”

 **Isabella:** “It takes a long time to get around, up here in space. And being criminals, there aren't a lot of places we can stick around for very long anyway, at least not anywhere loyal to the protectorate and the throne of the cosmos.”

 **Isabella:** “In a way, we were a mobile civilization all our own. Most of us were born into the life.”

 **Isabella** : “Anna, Joy, Little Izzy…”

 **Isabella:** "We didn't exactly have the means to sustain ourselves though, we had to take from others. Built a reputation of being pirates, and eventually, they learned it was easier to lean into that, sometimes your reputation alone is enough to keep things from getting messy."

 **Janette:** "But where'd you all go?"

 **Isabella:** "Well, it all started when the Ruin emerged and destroyed Old Earth."

**Isabella:** "We thought the whole Milky Way was done for, so the entire fleet booked it into FTL and came across Dominia."

 **Isabella:** "By the time we heard it had been defeated, and better yet, Magrathea just happened to have had a backup lying around, we had already set up there and didn't have the resources for a return trip."

 **Isabella:** "It was fine there. Most planets were lower-tech, the Protectorate was only just starting to spread there..."

 **Isabella:** "There was just one problem."

**Isabella:** "Nicol Bolas was a danger to the newly budding galaxy, and the universe at large."

 **Isabella:** "On this, Black Plasma and the Terrene Protectorate were in complete agreement. As the only two interstellar powers in the neighborhood back then, we formed a truce;"

 **Isabella:** "Corner him, and take him down."

 **Janette:** "I remember all this. After we made contact with a group of planeswalkers who were already looking into him themselves, we knew his plan, and traced him back to the desert planet of Amonkhet..."

**Janette:** "...and waited."

~~~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey there, if somehow anyone's been waiting in the next bit of this thing, sorry it took so long. Like I keep saying, the full story already exists, and it's just a matter of getting the formatting right for A03, but this next part is a little different, so I've kinda been putting it off. I'm saying this mostly as a promise to myself, but, I swear Black Plasma will be finished in due time. Thanks for reading.


End file.
